


Two Slow Dancers, Last Ones Out

by loserlennon



Category: Bollywood - Fandom, Nagarjuna Akkineni, Tabu - Fandom, Tollywood
Genre: Actors, Adultery, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:47:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24235282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loserlennon/pseuds/loserlennon
Summary: This is a tribute to my favourite actress of all time- Tabu. I saw that there were 0 fics related to her, so I decided to write one about her, and her alleged (ex?) boyfriend, Tollywood star Nagarjuna Akkineni. Obviously, I know none of these people in real life. All of this is just an extended figment of my over-active imagination.Also, the title is taken from one of my favourite songs by Mitski, "Two Slow Dancers", from her album Be the Cowboy (2018).
Relationships: Tabu/Nagarjuna Akkineni
Kudos: 12





	1. 1 April, 1996

Tentative at first, and almost immediately relaxing into comfortable familiarity- it was a cool summer evening when they held hands for the first time. Nagarjuna had taken Tabu a little away from the set where they were shooting their first film together, _Ninne Pelladatha_ , to a small patch of grass over which the sky darkened into inky swirls of blue.

“This is nice, isn’t it?” Nagarjuna smiled at Tabu. “If we want, we can imagine this is a park, and we’re just relaxing here after a long day at work.”

Tabu laughed. “I don’t want to be caught alone with you in a park after the sun’s gone down,” to which Nagarjuna blushed in response.

“Ohho, just look at you, big handsome film-star, gone all pink just because of a silly girl’s comment.”

“So you think I’m handsome huh,” Nagarjuna replied, in a visible attempt to regain the upper hand.

“No,” Tabu stuck her tongue out at him. “I just said it because I know it would make you upset to not be called handsome.”

“So you care so deeply about my feelings then?” Nagarjuna inched closer to her. “You say lies just to keep me happy? Tell you what, you’ll make someone an excellent wife one day.”

“Very subtle, Mr. Bigshot Film Star. There, I omitted the handsome. Learn some new flirting skills, and then come talk to me.”

A shadow of a movement, as if she was just about to get up- but just then, he reached out and almost hesitatingly, held out his hand. She took it, with a calmness that he had never seen before. As if she knew this was going to happen all along. As if she had been observing him, coolly waiting for him to stop talking, and all at once, Nagarjuna felt as if someone was seeing him for the very first time. No, that was not quite right. He felt like someone was seeing him, and also seeing through him- maybe even beyond that.

“How’s Amla?” Tabu asked as conversationally as one might enquire about the weather.

He still didn’t let go of her hand.

“She’s fine.” “Busy with Akhil, I suppose.”

“Yes.” At the mention of his son, he grinned widely and looked at Tabu. “He’s such an energetic fellow. Always running about the house and breaking things and laughing. Drives his mother and all the servants insane on a daily basis. My father says he reminds him of me, you know?” There was no mistaking the pride and joy in his eyes.

She just smiled in return. He lowered his voice, “There’s no better feeling than being a parent, you know? Acting and all is fine, but there is nothing I love more than seeing myself through my boys’ eyes.”

Tabu thought, “That reveals a lot more about him than he’d like to be known.” Aloud, she half-teased, “Are you trying to drop a hint?” “Are you willing to pick it up if I drop it?” Nagarjua chuckled, clearly very pleased with his own joke.

“That was honestly one of the worst jokes I have ever heard. It’s disgraceful to call it a joke, actually,” she shook her head.

“Well, I’m so sorry Ms. Tabu for not living upto your fine standards. Come on, smile for me now. Don’t make me beg.”

“We are not in the movie anymore,” she said quietly.

“What is that supposed to me- Oh, that Pandu scene! Wow, I didn’t even think of it like that.” He smiled fondly as he looked at her.

“Is this going to be your- your hobby, maybe? Divorcing the wife before your son turns 5 and finding a new one?” She still spoke quietly, but her hand had suddenly tensed in his.

He was so shocked by this sudden outburst that he couldn’t immediately formulate a reply. “Tabu, what are you even talking about? You know I love Chaitanya and Akhil more than life itself,” Nagarjuna crept closer to her desperately. “All I’m saying is, I’m fond of you. I love spending time with you. Is that a crime?”

She stayed silent.

He looked at her closely, and then abruptly looked away. “Is this because of what happened between your parents?”

She didn’t reply. He looked at her again, and saw that her head was bowed down. He considered wrapping his arm around her, but then abandoned the idea. “Too many people around,” he thought.

“Tabu,” he whispered, almost in her ear. To his surprise, she giggled a little. “That tickled.”

“Tabuuuu,” he whispered in her ear again. “Ouch, stop it,” she was laughing and pushing him away now, “You’re such a typical jerk.” “Am I?” Nagarjuna laughed, as he tickled her sides now. “Oh my god, I said, stop it! Stop it!!” Tabu was almost shrieking, halfway on his lap now.

He put his arms around her, and helped her sit up straight again. “I didn’t know you were this prone to tickling.” “Who isn’t?” she retorted. “Never mind,” he sighed as he took her hand again. “Do you ever miss your father?”

She shook her head. “I never knew him. I’ve never even met him. And I don’t want to.”

He squeezed her hand. “It’s alright, Tabu. Whatever you want.”

She smiled. “Do you really believe that, or are you just saying it?”

“Why would I just say it?”

“To make me happy.” “And what makes you think I’d say anything to keep you happy?” “Oh, quit acting like a high-schooler, it doesn’t suit a 40 year old uncle like you.”

“I’m only 36!” Tabu started laughing again. “See, I knew you’d be outraged. Come, let’s go back to the set, people must be waiting for us.”

“So you know my exact age, huh,” Nagarjuna smirked. “Stop it! Have some shame, you have two young sons. Your days of acting cool are long gone. Now, come!” She stood up, and after throwing him one last cocky smile, ran back to the set.


	2. 30 June, 2006

It was a hot, sticky day in Hyderabad. Tabu sat in an armchair in her hotel room, feeling grateful for the air conditioning. She was listlessly flipping through the room service menu. He was supposed to arrive in some 5 minutes or so, and yet, she couldn’t help feeling annoyed. She knew it was because he was late for almost every single thing in his life, and it was one of her biggest pet peeves. “Oh well,” she said to herself, “Some people just never stop being spoilt little brats.”

As if on cue, the doorbell rang. She suddenly felt nervous, her heart beating erratically. “Calm down, woman, it’s just _him_. There is no reason to behave this foolishly,” she told herself as she got up and opened the door, to reveal a beaming Nagarjuna.

“Tabu! It’s so good to see you. I can’t believe we haven’t met in what- 8 months? Haha, not like I’m counting or anything.”

As she closed the door, she felt his arms envelop her. She was seized with a sudden yearning, stronger than she had felt when there were hundreds of miles between them. As she turned around and hugged him close to her, she wondered if it was possible to start missing someone 2 seconds after meeting them- for, till this moment, she hadn’t really thought about him; even though, she suddenly realised, he’d always been at the back of her mind. But now, there was no escape from him, or from thoughts of him- he was in her arms, he was in her memory, he was everywhere.

Eventually, they relaxed their holds on each other. “Hi,” Nagarjuna smiled. “Hi,” Tabu blushed and looked down. He lifted her chin with a finger and looked into her eyes. “Oh my god, what’s this? Internationally celebrated film actress Ms. Tabu is blushing? Because an old Tollywood actor said hi? Bit embarrassing, don’t you think?” He kissed her softly on the lips, and smiled.

Tabu was struck, once again, by how his eyes seemed to melt into pools of chocolate in the afternoon light. “Don’t speak rubbish, Nag. Since when have I been ‘internationally acclaimed’? And you are not an ‘old Tollywood actor’, you attention seeking asshole, you know perfectly well what a superstar you are.” Tabu kissed him back, and bit his lower lip.

“Aiyyo, so much abuse hurled at a poor fellow, one would think you absolutely hate me,” Nagarjuna pouted, and put his hands on her waist. “Mark my words, Tabu, the day _The Namesake_ releases, Nicholas Cage will himself call you and ask you to be his next national treasure. And don’t call me Nag, you know I hate it. It makes me sound like an evil serpent from those childhood fairy tales.”

“Ohho, then I’m correct only na,” Tabu broke free from his embrace and flounced dramatically onto the bed. “How do I not call you a snake, Akkineni ji, when you have been poisoning my life for more than 10 years now?”

“Uff, Akkineni ji is worse. Call me Greeku Veerudu. That’s the least you can do for me before you leave me for Nicholas Cage, and forget all about me.” He jumped in right next to her, and lay his arm across her body, as she shifted a little to be closer to him.

“Me, me, me, me- you’re honestly the most self-obsessed person ever,” Tabu lay her hand on his cheek. He took it in his own and kissed it. “And what’s this new nonsense about Nicholas Cage? Is this one of your insane ways of trying to flatter me?”

“You are just too much for me, Tabu, I swear to god. If you must know, I’m just scared of losing you to-“ “Please stop before you say some line about me being your national treasure,” Tabu laughed and rolled away from him.

“Aaah, how did you read my mind?” He reached out, and pulled her back towards him. He looked at her with uncharacteristic tenderness, and started kissing her with a passion that had been building up for months. Tabu responded with equal enthusiasm, and soon their bodies fell into that familiar, comfortable rhythm.

Some time later, as they were lying together in the warm glow of the golden hour, Nagarjuna was startled by the realization that he would probably never be happier than he was in this very moment- his head on Tabu’s chest, her fingers lazily running through his hair, her smell enveloping him, more intimate than any other embrace he had ever felt. He looked at her, and smiled furtively, as if afraid to let this moment go.

“What are you thinking?” she asked him. “Nothing. What are you thinking?” He interlaced his fingers with hers, and kissed them. “I was reminiscing about the first time we said I love you to each other. Do you remember? It was a couple of months before we began shooting _Aavida Maa Aavide_.”

“Oh yes. It was raining in Mumbai-“ “When is it not?” Tabu sniggered. “-and I had run to you from Hyderabad-“ “Uh huh.” “-because I was afraid-“ “Afraid of what?” Tabu asked sharply. “Afraid of- you know.” “No?” “Afraid of losing you, Tabu. I was afraid you were going to marry that other fellow. What was his name?” “You know it Nag, don’t act cool. It was Sajid. Sajid Nadiadwala.” “Oh yes, him,” he pulled her closer to him. “How do I keep track, Tabu ji, when every other man I know is a devoted admirer of yours?” He started to kiss her shoulder. “What would I do if I were to lose you? Where would I go?” He said in between kisses that made her whole body tremble.

“Such rubbish I can only expect from you. Devoted admirers- as if! Men are just intimidated by any woman who can do things for herself, and to compensate for that, they become little puppy dogs, ready to fall at your feet if you so much as lift a finger.” He was kissing her arm now. “And as for you, well, you’d of course go back to your wife, what else?”

Nagarjuna came up and started kissing her neck. “I want you to be my wife,” he spoke near her ear, “That’s all I’ve wanted for years.”

Tabu pushed him away. “Really?” Her voice was almost cold now- none of that fondness when she had asked him what he was thinking, mere moments ago. “Of course, sweetheart. Would I lie to you? Why would I lie to you? I have asked you to marry me so many times-“ “Oh, stop your theatrics. I truly believe you have forgotten the difference between real life and your movies.” “Tabu, I’m serious. I do want to marry you. I’d leave Amla right now, if you’d just- if you’d just say the word.” His voice broke off; he was evidently trying to suppress tears.

Tabu moved out from under him, and stood near the bed. She was clearly distressed upon hearing the desperation in Nagarjuna’s voice.

“So will you do it Tabu? Will you marry me? I’d do anything, give you anything, just- just be mine, Tabu. Be my wife.” He grasped both her hands in this, and put them to his face. She could feel the tears, and even though all she wanted was to hold him and agree to whatever he wanted, there was still a firmness in her that refused to give way.

“What happens next?” “What do you mean, darling? Next of what?” Nagarjuna looked at her, still holding her hands. “What happens after we get married, Nag. Am I supposed to be your wife, and only your wife? Will I have a career afterwards? Can you promise me that?”

“Tabu, I- yes, of course. As if I could say no to you! We’ll make lots of movies together, you and I, just like the good old times. Do you remember when-“ “That’s not what I asked, Nag, and you know it. Will I have a career outside of you? The career that I have right now? The career it took me so long to build up?”

“Come here, jaan.” He pulled her onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her. She didn’t resist, it was easier that way. To be so close to him- she could almost believe that against all odds, they could both end up getting what they wanted.

Nagarjuna spoke slowly, carefully, measuring his words. “I have never, ever, loved anyone else like I love you, Tabu.” He kissed her forehead. “You mean everything to me, and I think you must know it. You want to do your kind of movies- well, who am I to stop you? You just tell me what you want, and I’ll do it. I’ll make whatever movies you want to make. This production house, everything, it’s all for you. Do whatever you want. It’s all yours.”

Tabu held back her tears. When she spoke, her voice was as clear as ever. “Will I ever have another co-star except you? Or will you not allow it?”

He tightened his grip around her ever so slightly. When he spoke, it was with a false cheeriness. “Why Tabu, do you think I’m that bad an actor that it would be embarrassing for you to share screen space with me?” “You know that’s not what I meant. Do you want me to remind you of how you refused to speak to me for 3 months after _Maqbool_ came out?”

His expression hardened. “What do you want me to say?” She continued looking at him, with a blankness that scared him. “Okay fine. I’ll admit it. Yes, I’m a jealous person. I get very jealous, and it’s-“

Tabu sprang from his embrace and stood in front of him again. “Do not say it’s only because you love me. Just don’t.” Nagarjuna got up too. “Why not? What’s wrong with it?” “What’s wrong with it? I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it. I was so excited about _Maqbool_ , Nag, I was so happy that I got to play that part. Everyone was so happy for me: my mother, my sister, all my friends. I found such amazing people on that set. Making that movie changed me as a person, as an actor, Nag, and I just wanted to share all of that with you, thinking that you’d be happy for me too. It hurt so much,” Tabu’s face crumpled into tears, “when you wouldn’t return my calls, or reply to my messages and emails, or even bother informing me that we were in the same city. Do you know how bad I felt?” She started sobbing. Nagarjuna stepped towards her. “Don’t cry please, Tabu. Please. I can’t bear it,” he wiped her cheek and put his arms around her, stroking her hair and her back. “Tabu, oh Tabu. I’m so sorry, so very sorry. I never, ever meant to hurt you. I just went a little insane, and I know it’s my fault. I just couldn’t- If I knew you’d felt that way, I’d have begged for an apology on bended knee. You know what, I’ll do it right now.” He let go of her and was about to bend down when Tabu grabbed his shoulders and said, “Oh, stop being so filmy all the time, Nag. I don’t want all these extravagant displays, I just,” she wiped her tears. “Tell me what you want na Tabu,” Nagarjuna said earnestly as he kissed away her tears. “Tell me, tell me everything, and I’ll do it. You know I’m stupid, you say so yourself every half hour. Just tell me, guide me, and I’ll do anything you want me to do.” He kept on kissing her face. Tabu gently pushed him back, and took a step back herself as she looked away from him. “It’s not just that, Nag.”

“Then what else, sweetheart? Tell me.” “Will you also stop working with other actresses if we get married? Or do the same rules not apply to you?” “Tabu.” He grabbed her wrist. “Tabu, it’s not the same.” “Why?” Dead cold. “It’s my career-“ “It’s my career too.” “Fine. Fine!” He was suddenly angry, and he knew it wasn’t all because of her refusal to marry him. “Have it your own way.” Now he started pleading again, realizing that he was so close to getting what he wanted, “I won’t work with anyone else. I won’t want to work with anyone else. It’ll be just you. Are you satisfied now? Happy?” “No.” “No?” Nagarjuna looked perplexed. “Why?” “Because I know you don’t mean it.” “You don’t trust me?” “Trust has nothing to do with it.”

Nagarjuna looked at her long and hard. “You know, sometimes I can barely understand you.” “That’s too bad, Nag, because I can always understand you. Perfectly.” He opened his mouth as if to say something, but apparently thought better of it. A few seconds later, he replied, “Yes. Yes, you do.”

Tabu sat down on the bed. She was worn out and wanted to sleep. Nagarjuna stood in front of her, and took her face in his hands. After staying that way for what felt like an absurdly long amount of time (though it couldn’t have been more than 5 minutes), he said softly, “I know you’ll just think I’m being filmy and all, but you really are the most beautiful woman ever to exist.” She smiled. “Thank you. You’re not too bad yourself, you know?” “Yeah?” “Yeah.”

She held his hand and kissed it, as if to say all the things she wanted to, but couldn’t. “Do you want to take a nap? Or do you have to get home immediately?” “No, I don’t have to be home until dinner. Speaking of which, Amla wants to invite you for dinner some time this week. I think she’ll call you.” “That would be lovely.” They were under the covers now, Tabu in Nagarjuna’s arms, the little spoon. “And Chaitanya was very excited to hear you were in town. You know what, I think he has a little crush on you,” Nagarjuna teased as he planted a quick kiss on the nape of her neck. “Oh have some shame, Nag, your own son,” Tabu muttered sleepily. “What can I do, Tabu ji, I am just a simple man. Always afraid of someone impressing you and taking you away from me.” “If being impressed by someone was a criteria for me falling in love with them, then why would I be with you?” “Oh, you wound me, Ms. Tabu, you really do.” Nagarjuna hugged her tighter, and they drifted off to a comfortable sleep.


	3. 12 March, 1995

As he sipped his coffee, Nagarjuna could see his wife Amla chatting with Tabu in the opposite corner. He had a vague feeling of unease, like the one you get when you catch your mother talking to that nosy neighbourhood aunty, the one who’s always spying on kids and reporting their misdemeanours to the entire colony. You try to calm down, remind yourself that you haven’t recently broken any rules that could land you in trouble- but your own intentions, thoughts, and abandoned plans betray you, take over your conscience, and aggravate that unpleasant sense of anxiety.

For a few days now, Nagarjuna had been planning what to say to Tabu. Even though he’d known her for some time, they weren’t exactly friends. He really wanted to make a good impression on her, and he was struggling. This was not something he was used to- he usually had no trouble chatting up women or making their acquaintance. He was full of charm, and the ladies were anyway eager to talk to him because of his status as the reigning superstar of Telugu cinema.

Tabu, though, was different. He couldn’t make out if it was because she was shy, or because she had no interest in him. “Must be the former,” he told himself decisively, as he tried to silence the part of his brain that said otherwise. “No worries, I’ll make the first move. She seems like an interesting person. Always reading. Maybe I could start a conversation about that? Oh, what conversation, I can’t even remember the last book I read.”

In the end, he decided to talk to her about _Vijaypath_ , her last movie. But Amla’s appearance on the sets that day (he didn’t know that she was going to come) had sort of ruined things for him. “Not that I was planning on doing something wrong,” he reassured himself. “I just want to talk to her. It’ll be weird if I don’t. She might think I’m being arrogant.” All the same, he didn’t like the idea of starting this conversation in front of his wife.

“Nag? Nag?” He’d been so busy agonising over his plans, that he had completely failed to notice his wife standing in front of him. “Oh wow. Lost in your own thoughts, huh? That’s very unlike you,” Amla smiled at him, but there was a trace of suspicion in her eyes. “Accha, I’m going out for an hour or so with Akhil.”

“Going out? Where? Why?” He must have sounded a bit too abrupt, because Amla raised her eyebrows and gazed quizzically at him. “My friend Megha’s hotel. It’s close by. I thought it’ll be good for him also, to be away from this noisy set for once. And I do really want to meet her.”

“Oh, of course. Of course,” Nagarjuna relaxed and smiled at his wife. “Where is he, the little badmaash?” “Oh, he’s with Tabu,” Amla looked fondly over in their direction. “She’s really good with him, you know? Always makes him laugh.” “Arrey wah, that’s excellent,” Nagarjuna was trying his best to sound casual.

Amla looked at him again. “Are you alright?” “Me? Yes. What’s going to happen to me?” “I don’t know, you seem a little pale. And jumpy. Did you drink or something?” “What nonsense, Amla. Do you think I’d come to work drunk or high?” Amla shrugged and said, “Well, I have to go now. Behave yourself.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” She just giggled and waved at him, and walked back towards where Tabu was playing with Akhil.

Nagarjuna watched his wife and son go out, then turned around to look at Tabu, wondering if he should go over to her now. He was a little surprised (and annoyed) to find out that she was no longer sitting in her corner. He called a spot boy, and asked, “Where is Tabu madam?” “She went outside to get some fresh air.” “Outside where?” The spot boy looked at him curiously. “There is a little spot by the parking area where some of us sit and drink coffee sometimes. I heard her make-up girl telling her about it.” “Okay, thanks.”

He walked in the direction of the parking spot. It was a beautiful spring day, and he could smell something fragrant in the air. He had a slight spring in his step as he looked around for Tabu, and saw her sitting beneath a shed. She looked as if she was writing a letter, balancing it on a thin book. As he approached her, he saw her struggle, even as she was completely unmindful of him. He was quite near her now; and unsure, again, of what to do. He didn’t like feeling this way- he had a vague notion of being oddly vulnerable.

He decided to just go for it. He went and stood directly in front of where she was sitting, and said “Hello,” with what he hoped was a pleasant smile. Tabu looked up at him, surprised. She gave him a small smile, and said “Hi.” Suddenly, a gust of wind blew the sheet of paper out of Tabu’s grip. She gave a little scream as she got up to catch it. Nagarjuna caught it, and handed it back to her. “Thanks,” she smiled shyly at him, as she started to sit down in her spot again.

He cleared his throat. “I couldn’t help but notice,” she looked up at him again, “You, umm, you have beautiful handwriting.” His mouth went dry. “Very umm- very bagundi.” A smirk twisted itself around her lips. “Very bagundi?” “Yes, yes,” he was trying his best to sound nonchalant, “All the kids are saying it these days you know.”

“Aiyyo Nagarjuna, what are you saying? The girl is laughing at you now. Just stop before she starts to think that you’re a complete idiot,” he silently berated himself.

“Uh huh,” she said, before she dissolved into laughter. “I’m sorry. Please sit na,” she shifted around to make room for him.

He sat down beside her, at a loss for words yet again. He looked sideways at her. She was folding up her letter with a serious expression on her face. He caught the word ‘Sanjay’ somewhere, and realised that it must be her boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend?) Sanjay Kapoor. He was contemplating if he should bring the subject up, when she turned around and caught him staring at her.

“Hmm?” She raised her eyebrows. “I was thinking of _Vijaypath_ ,” he blurted out. “ _Vijaypath_?” “You know, your movie. I mean, umm, I saw it, you know, and I think you did a wonderful job in it. You and Ajay, both.”

She beamed at him. “Really? You think so?” “Yes, yes, definitely,” he smiled back. “Thank you so much. It means a lot coming from you.” “Well, I’m glad to be of service,” he smiled wider, easing fully into his element now. “So, are you excited about the dance sequence?”

“Yes, I suppose,” she sounded hesitant. He looked at her attentively. “You don’t sound very happy about it.” “It’s not that, it’s just, I don’t think I dance very well. And you, everyone knows you’re a very good dancer,” she looked down at her feet. “Oh come on Tabu, I’m not that good. Just average, honestly,” his attempt at modestly was undermined by the pride in his voice. “And what makes you think you’re not a good dancer?” “I meant, compared to you.” “Well they wouldn’t have cast us together if they thought we were incompatible,” he smiled encouragingly at her. “Everything will be superb.” He immediately cursed himself for sounding over-excited.

She smiled at him. “Thank you so much, Mr. Nagarjuna-“ “Oh please, call me Nagarjuna. What is this mister business? We’re friends, right?” He held out his hand. She laughed a little as she shook it. He realised, with a start, that he found her laughter very beautiful to hear. Very bagundi. “Shut up, man, just shut up,” he told whatever inner voice that was poking fun at him. “But it’s true. You don’t even really mind if she’s laughing at you- you just want to make her laugh,” the inner voice sneered.

Tabu was looking strangely at him. He realised that he was still shaking her hand, and immediately dropped it with an apologetic grin.

“So umm, revised the choreography?” he asked stupidly. Tabu started laughing again. “I’m so sorry,” she had difficulty getting the words out, she was laughing so hard. Nagarjuna was fervently praying for a hole to crawl into, when she tugged at his arm. She was trying to collect herself, but it was clear that it required a lot of effort. “You probably think I’m the rudest person alive, but oh, ohmygod, you are so different from what I had expected.”

This interested Nagarjuna. “Different? Different how?” “Isn’t it obvious? I thought that I’d be intimidated by you. I mean, I really was intimidated earlier. A superstar’s reputation precedes him, and all that. But you,” she looked at him suddenly, a gesture that for some reason, stayed with him, “You’re being so nice to me. Came and talked to me. And not the usual cheap flirting most people do,” Nagarjuna squirmed in his seat, “But you actually tried to have a conversation with me. I appreciate it.” She smiled warmly at him.

(A few years later, she told him that that was the first time in weeks that she’d laughed properly. It had been a really tough time for her: the break-up with Sanjay hurt way more than she’d imagined it would, and she was afraid that her relationship with Sajid was going somewhere she didn’t want it to. She wasn’t doing any interesting roles, and since most of her friends were busy with their own careers, she had no one to talk to, no one to cry with, and no one to make her laugh out of the seemingly endless misery. She was almost in tears as she told him all this- he held her for hours, and comforted her. He kissed her and told her that it was all behind her, and besides, he had no intention of ever not being there for her when she needed him. He kissed her again, and again- as if he wanted to make her believe that he meant every word that he’d said- kept on kissing her, till she started kissing him back, as if she was finally free of that ghost of loneliness and dejection.)

Nagarjuna became self-conscious under her gaze. He wanted to say something witty, something that would make him sound smart, but he could find nothing appropriate to say. He’d been rendered speechless, and he wasn’t exactly sure why. He smiled back at her, and wondered what she was thinking about. They stayed like this for a while, just looking at each other, both of them unsure of what exactly was happening.

Just then, they saw that one of the spot boys was walking towards them. “Sir,” he nodded deferentially at Nagarjuna, “Director saab wants you both now. He says you must do at least 2 rehearsals today before the final shot tomorrow.” “Great,” Nagarjuna got up and clapped the boy’s back. “You go ahead, we’ll just be there, alright?” Muttering to himself, the spot boy walked away to the set.

Nagarjuna looked at Tabu, who was gathering up her things. “My wife was telling me that Akhil is really fond of you.” “He’s a very sweet child,” she was tucking the letter inside her book. “Oh, don’t be fooled. He can be an absolute devil sometimes. I think he was just trying to impress you today.” “Impress me? He’s just a toddler,” she got up, and looked at him, her eyebrows furrowed together. “Well, umm, maybe he just found you too beautiful,” he said before he could stop himself. Tabu’s face relaxed into a knowing smile. “Uh huh. Chalo, let’s go. It’s all right for you, but I mustn’t keep the director waiting.”

She marched towards the set purposefully and he followed, feeling more confused than ever before. “So, can we have coffee afterwards?” “Sure. Is your wife coming back?” Nagarjuna was taken aback. Truth be told, not a single thought of Amla had entered his head since he’d come looking for Tabu. “Umm, yeah. In an hour or two, I think.” “Good, good. She seems like a very kind person,” Tabu abruptly stopped and looked at him. “I think she’s going to invite me home- I mean, your home, for dinner. Or lunch. I don’t know when. She said she’d let me know.” “Oh. Well, it would be our pleasure, Ms. Tabu,” Nagarjuna smiled at her. Out of nowhere, an urge came over him to stroke her hair, just once. “What’s this Ms. Tabu business, hmm? Call me Tabu,” she half-teased him. “You just said we’re friends.” “Yes, yes, we are, Tabu ji. I hope we’ll be very good friends.” “I hope so too, Nagarjuna ji.” She took out her hand, and this time, it was Nagarjuna who laughed as they shook hands. Her hand was both cool and firm, and as he let it go, he noticed her eyes properly for the first time. They were already looking at him, as if searching him for something. The moment passed, however, and they made their way back to the set in companionable silence.


	4. 26 February, 2010

“Aise uljhi nazar unse hatt-ti nahin,” Nagarjuna was singing under his breath, flipping through a magazine randomly, trying to see if he could find something interesting. “Daant se reshmi dor katt-ti nahin,” he put the magazine down on the coffee table, and looked at Tabu, who was lying on the sofa, completely absorbed in a book.

They were in her living room- a large, airy sort of room with comfortable furniture, and filled with knick-knacks and souvenirs Tabu had collected from her travels around the world. As his eyes fell upon a painting near the large window that looked out into her garden, he thought of how all the gifts he’d given her were arranged carefully in her own bedroom. She’d once told him that she couldn’t bear to have his gifts anywhere else in the house. “That way, I can pretend that you’re always here, even when you’re not,” she was arranging some books on her bookshelf as she said this, “I don’t know how to explain this, but they kind of carry your presence. I can’t imagine anyone else gifting me those things.”

He smiled at the recollection, and looked back at Tabu, his eyes shining with affection. He raised his voice a little, and continued the song. “Umr kab ki baras ke safed ho gayi, kaari badari jawaani ki chhat-ti nahi,” he crooned. Tabu turned a page and said, “Ready to launch your new career as a singer, Nag?” “Aiyyo, Tabu, you don’t even see me as a good actor, now you want to make fun of my singing also?” “That’s patently untrue. I do think of you as a good actor,” she replied. “Accha? Then why do you never say so, at least to my face?” Nagarjuna pouted. He sat down in the space in front of the sofa, so that his face was close to Tabu’s. She turned another page and said, “That’s because you’re a giant egotist, Nag. I have no wish to inflate your head any further.” “There’s no need to worry about that, Tabu ji. As long as I have the honour of being at the receiving end of your biting tongue, my feet are staying firmly rooted to the ground.” “That’s good,” she murmured absently, as he started playing with a strand of her hair.

“What are you reading so intently anyway?” “Upset that I’m not giving you attention for 5 minutes?” “It’s been more than 2 hours since breakfast. Not that it matters. Tell me what you’re reading na,” he put his hand over hers. “ _Unaccustomed Earth_ by Jhumpa Lahiri.” “I can see that. What’s it about?” “It’s about nothing,” she folded down the upper corner of the page to mark her place, “It’s a collection of short stories. Typical Lahiri stuff- diaspora, loneliness, etc.” She put the book down on the end table, and sat up straight. Nagarjuna laid his head on her lap, and gazed up at her. “That sounds nice.” “Does it?” “I don’t know. Are you going to make this into a movie?” “No, no. I just really like her books.” She started tracing his jawline with her index finger. “I read the last story first. It’s very impactful. You should read it too.” “Why don’t you read it to me?” She pulled his ear lightly. “Why don’t I start feeding you by hand too?” “I wouldn’t mind actually.” They were both laughing now, easy and free like they had not learnt to be with anyone else.

“Speaking of food, what are you making me for lunch today?” “Why don’t you go and ask that in the adjacent house?” She was tracing the outline of his lips now. He kissed her finger and said, “Amla isn’t there right now. I told you. She’s gone to stay at…” “Tsk, tsk. Forgotten your own lawfully wedded wife’s whereabouts,” she mock-admonished him, “That’s not very bagundi of you Nag.” “Oh my god, will you let it go already? It must have been what, 15 years now?” She was already shaking with laughter as he sat next to her on the sofa and started tickling her sides. “Oh you bastard! Cut it out, I said cut it out!!” “Cut what out?” he replied as he continued tickling her. “This! You know,” she gasped for air, “how much,” she tried to unsuccessfully move away from him, “I hate,” she tried to push him away, “TICKLING!” She screamed in his ear. He was so startled that he slid off the sofa and banged his head slightly on the table.

“Aiyyo, Nag!” Tabu immediately sat down next to him. “Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry. Does it hurt very much?” She gingerly touched his head. Nagarjuna swept her hand away, “No, no, don’t touch it. Ow. My god Tabu, what was the need to scream like that? That too in my ear?” “I know, Nag, I’m an idiot. Just wait, I’ll go and get you an ice pack.” “Arrey, there’s no need for that. Calm down, I’m fine.” “Are you sure?” “Yes,” he held her hand. Tabu used the other to cup Nagarjuna’s face and kissed his cheek. “My Greeku Veerudu.” She kissed his other cheek. “Handsomest Greeku Veerudu.” “Dream boyyyyy,” Nagarjuna sang, which made both him and Tabu laugh so much that they accidentally bumped their heads together. “Oh god,” Nagarjuna cursed under his breath. Tabu’s face wore an expression of concern and guilt. “Is it paining a lot? Are you sure you don’t want me to go and get you an ice pack?” “Yes, Tabu ji, I’m very sure. It’s just a slight bump.” “I think I’ll just sit away from you, before I injure you anymore.” “Aiyyo, first you hurt my head, then my heart. Don’t move,” he kissed her cheek. “All these filmy dialogues, Nag- I’m not young enough to be your heroine in the next blockbuster.” “Jealous?” he smirked. “Of what?” “Of my heroines, madam. Are you turning red? Oho, here I always thought green was the colour of jealousy.” “Oh, just shut up,” Tabu said, even though she was smiling.

She helped him back up onto the sofa. “But you know, I would never say no to a movie with you,” he said, suddenly excited, his eyes twinkling. “Uh huh. What role will I play? Your mother?” “Be serious for a second, Tabu. We could adapt that short story you were telling me about just now.” “You haven’t even read it yet,” Tabu shook her head at him. “Arrey it’s a short story only. Won’t take too much time. Besides, it already has your approval. What else do I need?” he grinned at her. “Think about it- you and me, together, like the good old days.” “Really? You mean it?” Tabu found herself drawn to this plan, even though she had witnessed almost fifty other movies “planned” this way. “Of course I mean it, my star,” he brushed a few strands of hair away from her forehead. “I will make sure this movie happens. We’ll get the best director, best everything and everyone.” “And best actors?” Tabu giggled.

“Aiyyo, you torture me so much Tabu, is there no respite from this?” He shook her by her shoulders playfully as she laughed. “I swear, if you act like this during the shooting, I’ll replace you. And then you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.” “Oh no, Akkineni ji, please don’t do this to me,” she batted her eyelashes and pretended to be scared in an exaggerated manner. “Okay, okay, I’ll consider it. Just take care not to provoke me again,” he said in an over-the-top grandiose way, before they both started laughing again.

She kissed him gently. “So what do you want to do with the rest of the day?” “Hmm. I was thinking we should watch a movie.” She settled herself into his lap, carefully avoiding any contact with his head. “Which movie?” “How about _Aavida Maa Aavide_?” “Why that one?” “Because,” he kissed her chin, “It reminds me of one of the happiest times of my life.” “Yes, it was, wasn’t it?” She gazed at him fondly.

“Do you remember how we almost kissed on camera multiple times?” She giggled.

“Almost? Have you forgotten that zoo scene?” Nagarjuna laughed. “Do you remember our genius plan to do all of our scenes wrong so that shooting would be delayed?” “Oh god, I’d forgotten about that,” Tabu exclaimed.

“And do you remember why that failed?” Nagarjuna chuckled.

“Because we got all the romance shots right in the first take itself,” Tabu was laughing so hard that Nagarjuna put his hand on her back to steady her. “Oh god, Nag, I just remembered how that scene was just an improv because we’d forgotten our lines.” “The one right where I make you late for work?” “Yes,” Tabu put her head on his shoulder and continued laughing. “We didn’t forget, Tabu, we never even tried to memorise them. Remember we were supposed to be practicing lines in my van?” “Yes, and we ended up fooling around for an hour and a half.” “And later, the director couldn’t even say anything because that scene was just perfect.” They were both wheezing by now. “We really should do another movie together,” he stroked her hair. “Hmm, whatever you want Nag,” Tabu had just started kissing his neck when she burst out laughing.

“What?” “I just remembered-“ She was laughing too hard to be coherent now. “I didn’t get that.” “Okay, okay,” she took a deep breath to steady herself. “Do you remember when we were shooting the Om Namami video, we didn’t stop even after the director said ‘cut’?” She started laughing again, and so did Nagarjuna. “And there are so many bits in that video that I don’t remember shooting. I mean, I remember those moments, but I don’t think they were necessarily in the choreography for the song.” “Oh I know what you’re talking about. Like that bit where we’re just talking. I think I was telling you the plot of _Hu Tu Tu_.” “Yes, I remember. There were so many moments like that. Like one where I throw the umbrella away. I thought it’d stop when I threw it away. But they’ve also included the bit where I spin you around a little bit.”

“I think Satyanarayana just got fed up with our antics, and told the camera people to record everything. That’s why that song looks like a video album of our honeymoon,” Tabu said. “Technically, it was supposed to be a honeymoon song only, so he did end up getting what he wanted. Win-win situation,” Nagarjuna’s voice was nostalgic, “Those really were the best days.” “Of course. Do you remember, Mr. Akkineni, how I had to push you away every time because I was afraid you’d give me hickeys all over my neck?” Tabu said as she kissed his neck again. “In my defence, I was asked to kiss your neck countless times while we shot that movie. I was practically insane by the time we met up after the shoot. How is a man to control himself? Do you have any idea how intoxicating your smell is, Tabu ji?” “Oh yes, blame it all on me. Classic. What would have happened if someone had seen a hickey?” “Well, you can thank me for giving you those hickies in places no one saw,” Nagarjuna smirked. “Oh god, Nag, look at us. We’re discussing hickies as if we’re high school children.” Tabu slid off his lap and sat next to him. “Well, age is just a number, Tabu ji,” he said in a philosophical tone. “Don’t bother too much about it. And as for your imaginary hickies, it honestly didn’t matter. Everyone on that set knew. I mean, we literally couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. We were always in each other’s vans. We arrived to the shoot together. I tell you,” he chuckled mirthlessly, “Everyone on that set must have asked me ‘So, how is Amla?’ at least 50 times.”

“Wow. I didn’t know.” “Yeah, I thought about telling you many times, but something always happened. Or maybe I just thought, what’s the use? I wanted to continue enjoying what we had. I didn’t want anyone else to come in between us-“ “Even though I’d already come between you and her.” Tabu moved further away from him, looking disturbed. “Oh, Tabu, you know it’s not like that. We’ve been over this before.” “Mm hmm.” “Come on. If you want to blame someone, blame me, and not yourself.” She looked at him. He was a bit taken aback to see tears forming in her eyes. “Tabu. Oh, Tabu,” he reached out to wipe her eyes, “You know I can’t take it when you cry. There’s this song Chaitanya used to play all the time when he would come over: ‘But I crumble completely when you cry.’ That’s me with you, Tabu. I’ll start crying too jaan, please don’t cry.” He’d wrapped an arm around her and was using the other hand to wipe her cheeks.

“I just- I feel so guilty everytime I even think about Amla. I can’t ever bring myself to make fun of her, let alone hate her. But I can’t give you up either, Nag. I just can’t. I love you too much. And all of it makes me feel so wretched sometimes.”

“It’s not your fault, Tabu. No, it really isn’t. I’m the one who’s selfish, especially about you. I couldn’t even bear the thought of you living away from me, so I bought you the house right next to mine. Even though- you know.” He hugged her closer to him. She could hear his heartbeat. “We’re terrible people, aren’t we?” Nagarjuna just kissed the top of her head.

Later that night, as they prepared to sleep (the plan to rewatch _Aavida Maa Aavide_ had been abandoned without further discussion), Tabu started crying again- gentle sobs that made Nagarjuna shiver. “You know, I ran across Sanjay Kapoor last time I was in Mumbai. Completely by chance. I couldn’t even recognise him! And you know what the worst part is? I didn’t feel anything. I couldn’t even bother to make myself feel anything, or remember why we were in a relationship in the first place. I was just bored, and I wanted to get out of there as fast as I could, because I had to buy that chess set for you. And Nag,” he clutched her tighter at the sound of his name, “That’s my biggest fear now- that one day you’ll look at me and not even remember what you liked in me in the first place. That you’ll feel nothing, absolutely nothing!” She broke down again.

“Tabu,” he kissed her hand, “That is just not going to happen with me.” “Oh really? Now you can predict the future too? You’re just saying this, I know.” “No, Tabu. I mean it. I remember every important moment of falling in love with you- the moment when I first realised your laughter was the best sound I’d ever heard, when I first intentionally made a fool of myself to make you laugh, when I realised that I needed to tell you that I was in love with you, and more importantly, than any of these I think, when I first realised that I wanted to be in a conversation with you for the rest of my days. I didn’t even know what to talk to you about, but I knew that I’d give up almost everything to keep on talking with you.”

Tabu felt overwhelmed- she didn’t know what to say. She cradled Nagarjuna’s face in her hands, and kissed it all over. “I love you, Nag. I don’t know how to thank you- not just for this, but-“ “You don’t have to thank me for anything, Tabu.” “No, but listen. I have often fantasised about how it could have been, if I was only a few years older and met you sooner. But by the end, it doesn’t matter. So much in life could have gone some other way, but by some miracle, I am here with you right now. You are my best friend. My soulmate,” her eyes twinkled as she looked at him with one of the purest smiles he had ever seen, “And my lover. What we have, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.” She raised his hand to her heart, and pressed it there. “Nor would I, Tabu. Never.” She snuggled in closer to him. “Goodnight, Nag. Sweet dreams.” “I-“ “Yes, I know you have no need of sweet dreams because you are here with me. You say it almost every night.”

“Just for one day. Ms. Tabu, please spare me the torture. I humbly petition you.” “I’ll try,” she yawned as she wrapped her legs around Nagarjuna’s to get comfortable. He gave her one last kiss, and then promptly fell into a dreamless sleep, with his arm still around her. 


	5. 15 May, 1996

“Tabu?” Nagarjuna knocked on her door. There was a cool wind outside that was making him shiver. The fact that he’d spent almost 2 hours in the pool a while back didn’t help either.

He knocked once again, a little impatiently, just when she opened the door. “Hi,” she opened the door wider, “Come in.”

As she turned around after closing the door, she collided into Nagarjuna, who had somehow forgotten to move. “I’m so sorry,” he said hastily, as he put his hands on her shoulders. He made a sudden movement, as if he was going to bow his head towards hers, before he released her and stepped back.

“Vamsi told me that he’ll use a shot of us for the song- I mean, a shot that wasn’t supposed to be filmed. Multiple shots, actually,” he trailed off. “Yeah, I figured,” Tabu was looking at him, a steely gaze that seemed to turn him inside out.

“So,” he tried to change the subject, “Had your dinner yet?”

“We had dinner on the set,” she reminded him. She wanted to move a step forward and grab the front of his shirt like she’d been fantasising for so long. Pulling him close to her seemed like the most natural thing to do, after months (or weeks? Or years?) of being near him.

“Stop it, Tabu,” she told herself firmly. “Just stop it. Think of Amla. He loves Amla. He married Amla. He has a child with Amla. You are nowhere in the picture, and neither should you be. Just forget these last few days. Think of how kind and friendly Amla has been towards you. Think of how much Nagarjuna loves Akhil. Think of how much Amla loves Nagarjuna.” She rattled off the list she’d prepared a few weeks back, but it was starting to lose all meaning for her with every passing second. Nagarjuna’s voice was flooding her senses, and she unconsciously took a step closer to him.

“Oh yes, yes we did,” he went and sat down on the armchair.

“Did you come here to ask me if I’d had dinner?” Tabu stood as calm as always, but her voice was shaking.

He stood back up and went near her.

“I just wanted to see you.”

“We just spent the entire day together.”

“Do you want me to go?”

Tabu lowered her eyes. Amla’s face was far too prominent in her mind. “I don’t know. Do you want to? It’s getting late anyway. I mean, you’ll have to be at home soon?” She tucked her hair behind her ear and looked up at him again.

“No. I mean, I can stay. If it’s not inconvenient for you.”

“Why did you come?”

“I don’t know.”

A long pause. They continued stealing glances at each other and looking away, alternately. At last, Nagarjuna spoke.

“Do you want to talk?”

“Sure. Let’s sit down, we’ve both had a long day.”

She went and sat on the edge of her bed. Nagarjuna pulled the armchair closer to the bed, so that his and Tabu’s knees were brushing against each other. Her hands were on her lap, and he made to take them in his own, when she abruptly removed them. He looked at her, but she refused to meet his eye.

“Do you hate me?” His voice was unsteady.

The question took her by surprise. “No, of course not. Why do you ask that?”

“I just felt that way. And you would not be unjustified in hating me, after everything that happened this week…”

“What are you talking about? You should be the one hating me-“ “But I kissed you-“ “Did you not think I wanted that?” She was suddenly, almost inexplicably angry now. “Do you think I’d have let you kiss me if I did not want it? You know, just because you’re a star and all, you’re used to getting your way all the time. But- no don’t interrupt me,” she said as Nagarjuna opened his mouth, “I am not just- just- someone you can use.” All the anger went out of her, just as quickly as it had come. She felt horrified, as people invariably do after articulating their biggest fears.

Nagarjuna was both confused and scared. He was dimly aware that this was probably the first time Tabu had been this vulnerable in front of him- but more powerful than that was the fear of saying the wrong thing and upsetting her even further.

“I- I don’t know what to say, Tabu,” he began. “I am sorry that you feel I was using you. I- I had no intention whatsoever, of making you feel uncomfortable. I’ll stop, if you want me to, okay? I just, I’m so-“

“What about your wife, Nagarjuna?” She looked straight into his eyes. “And your child?”

“I- Please try to-“

“I only want you to be honest. I just cannot tolerate liars.”

He studied her face for what seemed like an eternity. When he spoke again, the desperation had gone out of his voice.

“You want to know the truth? Fine, I’ll give you the truth.” He leaned forwards, his face so close to hers that she could feel his breath as he spoke. “I’m a selfish person, Tabu. An extremely selfish person. I’m not even going to use that old dialogue, and transfer the blame onto you- oh, it was your beauty that made me kiss you, I was so helpless, we are playing lovers in the movie na, blah blah BLAH- all of that is lies, and you want the truth. The truth is, I wanted to kiss you, so I did. When I came to your van that day, I had no plans of kissing you, even though I had been fantasising about it for what felt like years. But I did, Tabu, I kissed you, just because you were there and I was there and the moment was perfect. Maybe it wasn’t, but I don’t really care. When you kissed me back, I knew that what I’d been suspecting all along was right- that you feel the same way about me as I do about you. That’s why I kept on kissing you even after that, even when we were filming Kannullo Ne Roopame,” he paused. “When you froze after that final shot, I got scared. I still am. And of course, out of selfish reasons. I didn’t want to stop kissing you. I don’t want to stop kissing you.”

He paused again, and noticed that Tabu’s face was expressionless. He wanted so badly to know what she thought, but he had to continue- he had never been this honest with anyone before, and with her, it was a weird mix of liberation and submission, as if he was handing her the worst parts of himself and asking her to do whatever she pleased with them.

“I know all of this makes me sound like a terrible person. But you know what? This is not even the worst part. Because I want you to be as selfish as me, Tabu. I want nothing more than for you to forget whatever morals and ethics you have, and choose me. I want you to want me as badly as I want you, and trust me, I have never wanted anyone so badly. I wish I could make you forget my wife, and your boyfriend, or whatever he is. That- that Sajid fellow. There,” he wiped his mouth with his hand and got up. “I said it. I told you the truth. Do what you want with it.” He stood over her, and regarded her with a curious mix of intensity and desperation.

Tabu stood up too, right in front of him. As she put her arms around Nagarjuna’s shoulders, she forgot what Amla looked like. She could see nothing beyond his face, and wasn’t sure that she wanted to. She started kissing him, and when he kissed her back, it was with so much force that he nearly swept her off her feet. This made her laugh against his lips. He thought, “Nothing can be sweeter than this,” as he cupped her face with both his hands and drew her closer.

An hour later, as Nagarjuna prepared to leave, Tabu offered him a sunflower. “What’s this? Where did it come from?” he asked as he took it from her and tucked it into the pocket of his shirt. “The hotel people left it on my bed today. I just thought, you know, I’d give it to you. For memory’s sake.” She was blushing furiously.

Nagarjuna planted another kiss on her lips and said, “But I’m the guy and I should be getting you flowers, not the other way round.”

“Fine then, give it back to me.”

“No, never,” Nagarjuna covered his pocket protectively with one hand, “One shouldn’t ask for a gift back. It’s bad luck, Ms. Tabu.”

“Whatever,” she stuck her tongue out in response.

They were at the door now. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Tabu hugged him, already wishing for the night to end.

“You know what, I’ll pick you up on the way tomorrow. How about that?” 

“No.”

“Why?”

“You’re always half an hour late. And I hate being late.”

“I promise I’ll be on time tomorrow,” he touched her lips. “In fact, I’ll come half an hour early. You just see.”

“I’ll consider myself lucky if you show up just half an hour late.”

“So you will go with me tomorrow?”

“Just this once. Trial basis. We’ll see how it goes, for future purposes.”

“Oh, so you’re already imagining the future?” He smirked.

“Ugh, get out,” she playfully pushed him towards the door. “Go annoy someone else now.”

“I’ll be back tomorrow.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’ll leave by myself if you’re too late.”

“Half an hour early, Pandu. Wait and watch.”

“Sure,” she stood on tiptoe to kiss him one last time before he went out.


	6. 19 February 2013

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, do not kill me/hate me if this seems "incomplete". It's kind of supposed to be a 2-part chapter, but I've been really frustrated by the formatting, so just posting it as 2 separate chapters, with these author notes provided.

“I can’t believe you went to the trouble of making me this feast,” Chaitanya grinned at Tabu as he poured saalan over his biryani. “Promise me that, whenever I marry a girl, you’re going to teach her how to make biryani. And saalan. And raita.”

Tabu smiled at her own plate and said, “This is nothing, Chaitu.”

“Arrey, how is this nothing? You must have worked hard all day,” he carefully moved the bones to one side of his plate. “Tch-tch, don’t deny it. I know what it’s like promoting a movie. So exhausting, to deal with those idiots and be polite to them even when they ask the most ridiculous questions.” He gulped down some sharbat and sighed with pleasure. “Wonderful, Tabu-ma. Just wonderful.”

Years ago, when he was either 15 or 16, he had accidentally called her “Tabu-ma” instead of “Tabu aunty” at one of his father’s birthday parties. Chaitanya hadn’t even realised his mistake till he saw that she’d turned red, and was looking around, as if to make sure no one had heard. The incident had been so embarrassing that he had completely repressed the memory of it; till one day, a few springs back in Hyderabad, Tabu reminded him of that name. They were sitting in her garden, in the shade of a big tree, enjoying the warm lazy sunlight that would become unbearable in just a few weeks’ time.

“Don’t call me aunty, Chaitu, it makes me feel much too old.”

“Oh please. You look like you haven’t aged a day since the first time I saw you.”

“People only ever say that line to old ladies,” she grumbled. “Now it’s confirmed that I’m one.”

“Aiyyo, stop being such a drama queen. What else am I supposed to call you anyway?”

She looked at him and gave him a cheeky smile. “How about Tabu-ma?”

At first, he couldn’t even recognise the reference; it suddenly came back to him when he saw Tabu trying to control her laughter. He burst out laughing, and soon, the air was filled with the sound of their guffaws. They were struggling to speak, but their jaws were hurting too much.

“So you’re okay with ‘ma’, but ‘aunty’ makes you feel old?” Chaitanya finally managed to splutter out.

Tabu was about to retort when they heard Nagarjuna’s voice calling her from inside.

“Tabu? Where are you?”

“I’m out here,” she shouted back.

Nagarjuna emerged from the side door. “Who are you-“ he stopped midsentence as he spotted his son.

“Good morning, Nanna,” Chaitanya smiled at him.

“Good morning, good morning,” he put both his hands on Tabu’s shoulders. “What are you doing here? Too early, no?” The feigned nonchalance could barely conceal the almost accusatory undertone in his voice.

Chaitanya looked amused. “Nothing, I just thought I’d drop by. Haven’t met her in ages,” he smiled affectionately at Tabu.

“Okay, okay.” Nagarjuna looked restless. “Come Tabu, let’s eat. Have you had breakfast yet, Chaitanya?”

“Oh, we already had it,” she turned around to look at Nagarjuna. “But I’ll make you something, come.”

Tears stung her eyes at the recollection of Nagarjuna’s face. She started to wipe them, but they just kept flowing out.

“Tabu-ma? What happened?” Chaitanya got up from his chair and wrapped an arm around Tabu. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, yes, I’m fine,” Tabu sniffed.

“Are you sure? Do you want to talk about it?”

“Yes, I’m sure. Go and finish your dinner, Chaitu. It’ll get cold otherwise.”

They finished the rest of the meal in almost complete silence. Tabu kept wiping her eyes when she thought he wasn’t looking, while Chaitanya felt an acute sense of unease- he had never seen her cry before, or even lose control like that. She’d always been the most effortlessly goofy, witty and charming woman in the room. He knew this had something to do with his father- he had noticed how she had pointedly avoided any mention of him since he had arrived at her house yesterday, even though she had asked him lots of questions about Amala and Akhil.

After dinner was over, they decided to play a game of Scrabble before going to bed. Chaitanya put on some music, while Tabu went to the kitchen to get more sharbat.

“Oh, I haven’t heard this song in years,” she exclaimed, as “A Hard Day’s Night” by The Beatles started playing. 

“I love it so much,” he took his glass from her. “Remember that time when you introduced Akhil and me to Beatles?”

“I do! You guys were so fascinated,” she sat down on the sofa and started laying out the board and tiles. “I remember Akhil asking me 1500 questions about their cars and what not.”

“Typical,” Chaitanya laughed. “But seriously, I can’t ever get over how genius this is. It must be what, almost 50 years since these songs came out? And look at us, still jamming to them.”

“Well, some things just never stop being fresh, that’s what I say,” she took a sip of her drink. “I still rewatch some of my favourite movies from, oh I don’t know, decades ago. They just never lose their charm for me. Same with books. I hate starting new books because I only want to re-read my favourites. Sounds a bit crazy, but well, what can I say? I’m a crazy old lady,” she motioned to him to start playing, “And I must do crazy things.”

Chaitanya looked at her closely. He was certain now that this weird, semi-morose mood of hers had something to do with his father.

“Only he has the ability to- to rattle her like this,” he thought to himself. “I wonder what he did now.”

He had long ago accepted Nagarjuna’s relationship with Tabu- as a child, he had eavesdropped on his mother gossiping about it with her brothers, and had been shocked to hear his uncle say that the nice lady who got him chocolates might end up “getting her life ruined because of Nag” because “she doesn’t know what she’s getting into”. His other uncle, Venkatesh, who had worked with her in her very first film, and knew her better than the other two, vehemently opposed this.

“Tabu is far too clever to fall for Nag’s tricks. Trust me, she’s going to make him dance on her fingers before-“

Chaitanya didn’t hear the rest of the conversation. He had to run away, because the visual of his father dancing on Tabu aunty’s fingers was too much for him to bear- he was scared that the adults would catch him laughing, and that could only end in trouble.

Over the years, though, Chaitanya had realised that it wasn’t as simple as his uncles had made it sound. He’d never seen his father as happy as when he was with Tabu, the two of them lost in their own world. He remembered one afternoon when he was sitting in his father’s living room, reading a book. Nagarjuna and Tabu were on the sofa, her feet on his lap. He was massaging them while singing her old favourite Hindi songs in a silly voice, with botched-up lyrics. She seemed to find this the funniest thing on earth, so his voice and the lyrics kept on getting sillier. They were so oblivious to everything, that they didn’t even hear Amala calling Nagarjuna from the floor above. It was only when Chaitanya cleared his throat and said, “Nanna? I think you’re needed upstairs,” that they shared a guilty look before Nagarjuna went to his wife and Tabu turned around to talk to Chaitanya. Her cheeks were flushed, but there was a defiant look in her eyes. Those same eyes kept darting to the door every two minutes, till Nagarjuna finally re-appeared. They looked so relieved to be in each other’s presence that Chaitanya couldn’t help feeling like an intruder, and left the room after mumbling some half-thought out excuse that he wasn’t even sure registered with his intended listeners.

There had been so many moments like this, Chaitanya reminisced as he skillfully arranged his letters. The time when he had almost walked in on them doing god-knows-what in Nagarjuna’s kitchen late one night (he had thankfully been alerted when one of them dropped something and Tabu whispered “Oh shit” a little too loudly); the time when they had all been watching _Roman Holiday_ together (it was Tabu’s suggestion) and he caught his father nuzzling into Tabu’s shoulder, even as Amala looked stonily at them- at the thought of his stepmother, Chaitanya snapped out of his nostalgic reverie. This is what always happened each time he started thinking about his father and Tabu; at first he’d feel extremely wistful- he’d feel as if he’d give anything to have that kind of long-lasting, yet all-consuming love; and then, something would remind him of Amala, and he’d just feel sad for the three of them, the second-hand regret hollowing out some part of him he couldn’t define.

“Can you play a song for me, Chaitu?” Tabu asked midway into the game.

“Yes, of course,” Chaitanya was already on his phone. “Which one?”

“It’s called ‘Jaane Kya Tuney Kahi’. From the movie Pyaasa.”

“Oh, I’ve heard of this movie,” Chaitanya remarked as the song started playing. “It’s a classic, isn’t it? Guru Dutt and Waheeda Rehman. Have you seen it?”

Tabu shook her head. “I always thought it’d be too sad to watch, and kept putting it off. A poet finds himself cheated by the mercilessness of the world- can there be anything more depressing?”

“I suppose not.”

“But this song, I love this song. It’s so happy and hopeful. It describes the beginning of love perfectly, don’t you think?”

Chaitanya smiled. “I wouldn’t know about that Tabu-ma.”

“Oh come on,” Tabu was fiddling with her tiles, “Handsome young fellow like you claiming he doesn’t know about the initial stages of love?”

“So what’s wrong with that? Maybe I want to wait.”

“Wait for what?”

“I don’t know, someone special.”

“That makes sense. I mean, not to me. I’ve always been quite impatient about these things. Not that I’ve fallen in love multiple times,” Tabu quickly looked at him, “But you know, I’ve never thought about it like that. Someone special. Hmm. I wonder…” she trailed off.

“You wonder?” Chaitanya asked gently.

“Nothing,” her voice was flat now. “What’s the use of wondering? Especially for an old spinster like me? You make your choices and you live with them. That’s what my grandmother always used to say. No point looking back.”

They finished the rest of the game soon after that. As they said their goodnights, Tabu leaned in, and kissed Chaitanya softly on his cheek.

“Sweet dreams, Chaitu darling,” she smiled and went into her own room.

For a long while after that, Chaitanya lay awake. He kept on tossing and turning, unable to properly concentrate on anything long enough. He felt dazed and unhappy. He wanted to help Tabu, but he didn’t know what to do. He was sure his father would come running if he knew- or would he? Out of nowhere, a coldness crept into his heart. He remembered how his father had reacted when he’d told him that he’d be staying at Tabu’s while in Bombay for some work. He’d just grinned artificially and said “Give her my best,” and changed the topic.

“If things were normal,” Chaitanya ruminated, “He’d have given me a truckload of stuff to give her. Actually, he’d have insisted on accompanying me. ‘You know, I have some business in Bombay too. I guess I’ll just come with you. Oh, you’re going to stay with Tabu? Well, that’s just perfect!’” he mimicked his father in his own head and laughed. He fell asleep shortly after that; his dreams a strange mixture of scenes and settings that he forgot by the time he woke up, feeling as fresh as ever.


	7. 23 March, 2013

“So, how’s Tabu? All fine only?” Nagarjuna asked in what he thought was an offhand way. He’d been talking to his son for about 15 minutes, when he decided that this was the right time to casually ask a question on the topic he most desperately wanted to talk about.

“Yes, she’s fine. Just seemed a bit-” Chaitanya hesitated. He was unsure of how his father would react if he told him the truth, and more than that, he was unsure if he even wanted to find out.

“A bit, what?” Nagarjuna’s nonchalance was wearing thin.

“Nothing. Tired, I guess?”

“Tired? Is she overworking herself? Is she eating properly?”

“No, no, not like that. Just-” 

“Just what?” He was on the verge of being hysterical. “Did she seem unwell? Are you sure she’s eating properly? You know, she doesn’t really like living in Mumbai. Always wants to come back to Hyderabad. And I- Well, leave all that. Did you take her to a doctor, at least?”

Chaitanya had been avoiding his father’s eyes- now, he looked at him curiously. “How long has it been since the two of you talked?”

When Nagarjuna didn’t answer, he asked, “Have you even talked since she moved to Bombay?”

“Yes. Of course, we talked, but-” now Nagarjuna was averting his gaze. “What does that have to do with anything? I asked you if she was unwell and if you took her to a doctor. You should have called me, I’d have arranged something.”

Chaitanya sighed. “Nanna?”

“What?”

“I think you should talk to her. She, um, she seemed a bit depressed.”

“Depressed?”

“Yes.”

Nagarjuna stayed silent for some time. He was trying to hold back his tears, but when he did speak, his voice was distorted.

“I don’t think she wants to talk to me.”

Chaitanya was shocked and confused- he didn’t know how to console his father who was now crying openly in front of him.

“Nanna,” he put his hand on Nagarjuna’s shoulder. “It’s going to be okay. Please don’t cry.”

“Did she say anything about me?”

Chaitanya was getting increasingly uncomfortable. His mind flitted back to his last dinner in Mumbai- Tabu had taken him out to her favourite Thai restaurant, and while they had been waiting for their food to come, she had abruptly asked, “So, how’s your father? All right?”

(It was only while he was replaying this conversation on the flight back home did he realise how strange it was for her to not say “Nag” or even “Nagarjuna”- on top of which, this was the first time she had even mentioned him in almost a month.)

“Yeah, he’s fine. Just busy with work, you know?” Chaitanya was unnerved by the unusually stern expression on her face.

“Oh, of course. Isn’t he doing a movie called _Greeku Veerudu_?” Tabu laughed mirthlessly. “You know where that title comes from, don’t you?”

“Yes, obviously,” Chaitanya tried to keep his voice as cheery as possible. “ _Ninne Pelladatha_. I love that movie. I must have seen it at least 50 times.”

“Hmm.” Tabu took a sip of her water and raised an eyebrow at him. “So who is he romancing now? Another girl young enough to be his daughter, na?”

Just then, their food arrived, sparing Chaitanya the excruciating response he’d have to offer somehow. He heaved a sigh of relief, and started eating.

Tabu, however, was not done yet. (“She’d probably been simmering for a month- or maybe more,” he thought later.)

“You know Chaitanya, you really are one of the most mature and sensible people I know.”

“Wow, Tabu-ma. I mean, thank you,” he grinned at her, thinking naively that the unpleasant part of the conversation was behind them.

“I’m glad you take after your mother’s side of the family,” she took a large spoonful of her curry and rice. “Venkatesh, especially. He’s been such a good friend to me over the years.” She looked at him and sighed. “Now, your father on the other hand- oh, let it be. I should not be talking like this with you. Just forget it, okay?”

In spite of himself, Chaitanya wanted to know how this would unfold. “It’s alright, Tabu-ma. You can say whatever you want to me. It’s going to stay between us.” He smiled at her, in what he hoped was a confidence-inducing manner.

“Well, don’t blame me if you get offended, but your father probably is the biggest narcissist I know. And that’s saying something after working in this industry for so many years,” she shook her head and took another bite of her food. “When he first told me about this film, it was titled something else. And now it’s suddenly _Greeku Veerudu_? Who does he think he is, an actual Greeku Veerudu?”

“Well, he probably does,” Chaitanya drank some water. “I mean, girls have been throwing themselves at him for decades now. That kind of stuff does go to your head.”

“Oh, come on Chaitu. Don’t blame his _fans_ for how… how he is.”

Chaitanya had rarely seen Tabu this livid. He replied carefully, with an air of pouring oil over troubled waters.

“Tabu-ma, I’m not trying to defend him,” he put his hand on top of hers. “You are right, and besides, what you just said is very mild compared to what my mother and others have been saying over the years.”

“Really? Your mother still bitches about him?”

Chaitanya snorted. “Oh, it’s not just her. Get the three of them together- Suresh mama, Venky mama, and Amma, and sooner or later they will launch into an attack on Nanna’s character. At first they tried to be neutral when I was there but… Well, you know what it’s like when my uncles start gossiping.”

Tabu snorted.

“And of course I agree with you. Nanna is a huge narcissist, always has been. Don’t you remember, I was there that time when you said that Ajith was one of your favourite co-actors?” Chaitanya continued.

“How can I forget? The way he stormed off, my god. Classic.”

“Exactly. Do you think I’m so stupid that I don’t even know the most obvious fact about my own father?”

Tabu moved her food around on her plate. “It’s just, “Greeku Veerudu” was my song, no? Not in the legal sense, but you get it, right? And for him to just do this without even telling me, that too with someone else- not that I can even think about playing Nag’s heroine anymore,” she said bitterly. “I’m 20 years too old for that.”

“Rubbish,” Chaitanya squeezed her hand. “You can romance any hero you want to, and you know it.”

“Uh huh,” Tabu had started eating her food again. “Don’t let your food get too cold, Chaitu, it won’t taste as good.”

“I know you’re changing the subject, but trust me,” Chaitanya picked up a mushroom with his fork and pointed it at her, “There is absolutely no one like you. Not just in the film industry, but in the whole world. And as for being Nanna’s heroine- why would you play a 55 year old’s heroine, when there are people like Rana and Allu Arjun just dying to work with you?” he grinned cheekily at her. “Just say the word Tabu-ma, and we’ll bring in a Tollywood revolution.”

Tabu almost choked on her food. “Oh my god Chaitu, I can actually hear all those old men having heart attacks at the very thought. ‘Amma Pinni paathralu veskovalsina vayasu lo ivanni enduku’”, she said in such a startlingly good imitation of the average middle-aged Telugu film producer that people around them turned to look. She quickly hid her face behind her handbag and stuck her tongue out at Chaitanya, whose stomach was hurting from laughing so hard.

“Too good, Tabu-ma, too good,” he wiped his face with a napkin. “Why are you doing another serious movie when your real talent lies in comedy?”

Chaitanya zoned back into the present with a start. He looked guiltily at his father, and decided to just tell him the truth.

“Nanna, I think she’s really angry with you.”

“I know.”

Chaitanya was a bit perturbed by this easy admission of the truth.

“Do you know why she’s angry with you?”

“Yes, I do,” Nagarjuna got up from his chair and walked to the farther end of the room. “Did she tell you why?”

“Yeah.” Nagarjuna had his back to him now, and was rummaging in the bookshelf.

“She did?” He turned around, absentmindedly holding a book with a green cover. He held the book close to his chest and rested his chin on the hard spine. “What do you think of it?”

Chaitanya knew that, for his own sanity’s sake, it was dangerous to get too involved in whatever mess his father and Tabu had created. But, he reasoned to himself, it was too late for that anyway; might as well get it over with, if he could.

“Nanna, why did you change the title without telling her? Don’t you know how attached she is to it?”

Nagarjuna was so stunned by this question that the sadness clouding his features vanished.

“What? I didn’t change the title. It’s still the same, Chaitanya. And I didn’t know she had any emotions about it whatsoever.”

Chaitanya found himself getting angry at his father’s seemingly callous attitude towards Tabu’s misery.

“Nanna, didn’t you rename _Greeku Veerudu_? Even I remember it was called something else earlier. Wasn’t it something about America and India? Or some Love Story type of thing?” He tried keeping the anger out of his voice, but he was getting more infuriated with every word he spoke. “And how could you not have predicted that she would be upset about it? I am sure she would not have minded this much if you had just told her about it. She is a reasonable person, Nanna, you should just have been honest with her.”

Nagarjuna’s face was tight with indignation- Chaitanya knew he had gone too far, and braced himself for the low, scary voice of his that went with this expression.

“Chaitanya, have you lost it? What are you even talking about?” He flung the book on the table between them. “And there is no need to give me a lecture- I know her better than you ever will.”

“I’m sorry for offending you, Nanna,” Chaitanya said sarcastically, “But if it’s not _Greeku Veerudu_ , then what is she so pissed about? What did you do to make her so angry that-” The words had escaped from his mouth before he could stop himself.

“No, no, please continue. I have made her so angry, that?”

“Nothing. I really don’t want to get into all of this.” Chaitanya looked down at his shoes.

“Just tell me. What did she say about _Greeku Veerudu_?”

Chaitanya didn’t look up. “She just thought that you should have told her that you were using her song for the movie. Especially since she’s- she’s not even going to be in it.”

“So this is why she told you she’s angry with me?”

“Yes.”

“Well, why didn’t she call me and tell me so herself?” Desperation had creeped into Nagarjuna’s voice, and along with it, bitterness.

“Why don’t you call her?” Chaitanya said gently. “You know her- you’ve been friends for so long. Just think of how good you’ll feel once you’ve sorted things out-”

“Sometimes, I feel like I barely know her at all. And it makes my head spin.”

Chaitanya felt he had reached some uncharted territory, not least because his father was slumping now, a complete change from the aggressive posture he had displayed earlier.

“Is it true of all women?” Nagarjuna went on, after a brief pause. “You can spend years with them, and yet not know what’s in their heart? Or what they’re going to do next, or how they’re going to hurt you?”

“Nanna-”

“Your mother, of course, I barely know. I’m going to be frank with you Chaitanya, but after what I did to her, it would be unfair of me to expect that she would want me to know her in any real way at all. But Tabu? And Amala? Why are women so hard to understand?”

“Nanna, it’s not women, it’s people. People are unpredictable,” Chaitanya said firmly. “Can you say with any guarantee that men are very easy to read, even after decades of knowing them? You, for example, are surprising me right now, despite being my own father.”

“I? What have I done?”

“How could you not have predicted this _Greeku Veerudu_ drama? You yourself say that you have spent years with Tabu garu, and yet, you do this to her?”

“Oh, I knew how she would react,” Nagarjuna said dismissively. “I just thought she’d call me and you know, pick a fight or something.”

“Wait. You orchestrated all of this?” Chaitanya felt his brain was about to explode.

“Yes. Like I said, I wanted her to call me and scream about it.”

“Well, you’re wrong about that too. She would never do that.”

Nagarjuna narrowed his eyes at his son. “What makes you so sure about that?”

“You know how much she hates confrontations!”

“She didn’t hate them so much the last time she was here in Hyderabad,” Nagarjuna muttered.

“What?” Chaitanya didn’t care anymore if he sounded rude or invasive- he was too frustrated.

Nagarjuna was evading his son’s eye, who was all too aware of it. He knew that whatever was coming next was going to be even more twisted than what had already happened.

“The last time,” Nagarjuna cleared his throat, “The last time she was here- Tabu, I mean- we got into a huge fight. And it was mostly my fault.”

“What was it about?”

“ _Manam_.”

Chaitanya felt whiplashed. “ _Manam_? Our movie _Manam_? Are you telling me that you and Tabu ma- Tabu garu fought over that?”

Nagarjuna had raised an eyebrow at ‘Tabu ma’, but didn’t ask any questions about it. Instead, he started massaging his forehead again.

“Don’t tell this to anyone,” he said after a long pause, “But Tabu was supposed to play my wife- I mean, the role Shriya is doing now-”

“Yes, I know what you’re talking about.”

“Well, we were pretty excited about it. Both of us. We’d been talking about doing another movie for years, but nothing had worked out. This time, though,” he shifted a little in his seat, “Things just fell into place. She figured out her dates with Vishal, I talked to Nanna-”

“He was okay with it?”

“Yes. He is very fond of her, you know,” he smiled, “He told her that he would be honoured to work with the finest actress of her generation-”

“I would have been too,” Chaitanya scowled, “Why didn’t you tell me? Why did she back off?”

“She didn’t,” Nagarjuna shifted his gaze to the window, “She was really looking forward to it. It was supposed to be her big Telugu comeback.” He paused again- it had all happened so recently that it was still a sore wound, and he winced at the recollection.

“And then what?”

Nagarjuna took a deep breath. “You see, I had sort of not told Amala about Tabu playing that role-” Chaitanya closed his eyes and groaned internally. “- so it was quite unpleasant when she got to know about it. That’s an understatement actually,” Nagarjuna laughed uneasily, “I don’t think I have ever seen Amala that furious. Ever. And to be perfectly honest, I would rather not see her that furious again. So, not that I wanted to, but I had to ask Tabu to leave. Which naturally upset her. That’s why she’s angry with me.”

Chaitanya shook his head. “Nanna, I really don’t know what to say. Did you try to-”

“Apologise? Yes. I did. I mean, sort of. It’s complicated, okay? Tabu despises a lot of things and it’s hard to keep track-” he stopped as he realised that he had stopped making sense to himself. He looked at Chaitanya, who looked at him sadly, but also with a touch of annoyance.

“He’s on her side,” he realised. “She must be feeling worse than he’s told me so far. Even if she didn’t say it, he’d have understood. He’s always- he’s always been fond of her.”

Nagarjuna’s mind went back to that horrible day. Tabu was standing in front of him, the sunlight filtering through the curtains behind her seemed to set her on fire. He wanted to pull her closer to him, but before he could raise his hand, she shook her head.

“Do not touch me, Nag,” she folded her arms. “Are you seriously trying to tell me that you are kicking me out of this movie because Amala told you to? Why-”

“Please Tabu, you don’t understand,” he instinctively took a step closer to her. “She- she got so angry. I didn’t even know what to say. Please try to understand me jaan, I’m begging you. I’m not kicking you out, I just- don’t have any other option.”

She turned away from him, and walked towards the window. “I can’t believe,” she said conversationally as she arranged the curtains so that they completely covered the window, “That you are actually trying to turn me against Amala. After everything that she has been through, all because of us, you can’t even show her basic decency. And for what, Nag? For your inability to tell me the truth? I thought I had made it very clear in the beginning itself that I abhor liars.”

Nagarjuna stared at her back, unable to even open his mouth- her words made him feel as if icicles were digging into his skin.

“Tabu,” he choked out.

“What?” Her voice was as tired as her face, as she turned around to face him.

“Why would I lie to you? When have I ever lied to you? How can you not trust me, after all this time? You-”

“Nag,” she closed her eyes. “Please. Just tell me the truth if you can. But don’t drag Amala into all of this-”

“Why would I drag her into this?” Nagarjuna was suddenly full of rage at his wife. “Why would I lie about this, Tabu? What other possible reason could I have-”

“Oh, I don’t know! Maybe you found a new girlfriend that you would rather romance! Is that it, Nag? Who was it last time, what’s her name? The one who’s Akhil’s age? Is it her?” Tabu was practically screaming at this point.

“For god’s sake, there was nothing between us! I have been true to you, and only you, for the last 15 years, and if you choose to believe some trashy gossip magazine over me, I really don’t know what to say.”

“True to me? How can you be true to me, when you’re still married to Amala?”

Nagarjuna had not felt this angry in years. He looked at her- his eyebrows were tightly knit together and his hand shaking as he spoke.

“Are you listening to yourself? I have asked you to marry me more times than I can count, and each time, you were the one who refused. Remember what happened the last time I asked you to marry me? You literally ran away from Hyderabad and moved back to Mumbai.” Tabu stared back at him, expressionless, yet radiating fury. “I would have given up everything, Amala, my family, for you, and you never even bothered to properly explain why you were rejecting me. And now, you’re blaming me for that marriage? You’re trying to prove that I have been unfaithful to you because of a marriage that you could have put an end to years ago if you wanted to?”

“You know why I didn’t marry you. You know-”

“No, I don’t! I just told you that I don’t!”

“I have been trying to tell you for years, I _have_ told you for years, but you never listen do you? You don’t want to listen-”

“Oh, this is my fault too! Of course. Fine then, Tabu garu, why don’t you tell me one time more? I’ll try to listen and make sense of what you’re-”

“Because I didn’t want to give up my career and sit at home and be Mrs. Nagarjuna Akkineni!” Tabu shouted. “Do you know how hard I’ve worked for this? Do you know what I’ve endured just to get to this point? People respect me now, Nag, and maybe that’s not such a big deal for you, but it means everything to me. Do you think it would have been easy for me to give all of this up, and reconcile myself to a life where I have no identity of my own?” She made a strange noise, somewhere between a groan and a cry, and slumped against the wall. Nagarjuna came forward, to hold her, but she pushed him away, without even realising what she was doing.

“But I ended up doing something much worse, didn’t I? To protect my own life and my own freedom, I had to- do that- to Amala. Because I couldn’t give you up, Nag. I have always loved you too much. It killed me nearly to always say no to you- you don’t know how many times I just wanted to say yes and have you all to myself. But something, something always reminded me- and I-” She turned her face towards the window, her hands pushed between her body and the wall.

“Amala thought that you playing this role would be the ultimate humiliation for her.” Nagarjuna said tonelessly. “She said that all these years she’s had to defend us, and now, the way this movie is written- you know, rebirths, the whole family angle- she said it wasn’t fair on her.”

“And you agreed.”

“I did. I had to.”

“You had to.”

Tabu stood so still that Nagarjuna felt a little freaked out. He went near her and took her hand.

“Tabu, say something.”

She took her hand away. “Is there anything left for me to say?”

“Jaan-”

“Why were you okay with this Nag?”

“What?”

“With this. This- affair-”

“Oh, I don’t know, it’s all so long ago now,” he went and stood on her other side, and looked out the window, without really seeing anything. “Akhil had just been born, and as elated as I was about that- I don’t know, Tabu, I really don’t know. I felt older than I was all of a sudden, and- I mean, I was turning older also- you know what it’s like when you’re about to turn 40, you feel so alienated from everything, don’t you?” He smiled weakly, trying to appeal to her softer side, which was vastly different from the statue that was in front of his eyes right now.

“I meant about me refusing your proposals for years, but you interrupted me before I could complete. But no, it’s nice to know all of this too,” She turned around to face him. “So I was your solution to a mid-life crisis, or something along that line, then?” Her voice was so low it was almost inaudible. Nagarjuna opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” she turned around from him again. “Well, I’m glad I could be of help during your crisis Nag, but I guess it’s over, right? You’ve made your choice. Family is family, and I am nothing-” “How can you even say that? You know you are the love of my life. You know I have not ever loved someone like I love you. It has been this way for the last 15 years, and it will be this way for the rest of my life, whether you marry me or not, whether you talk to me or not. I just-” “But you couldn’t even stand up for me, Nag,” Tabu knew she was being unfair but she couldn’t help herself. “Amala tells you to get rid of me, and you just do it. I wonder what it would have been like if she had put her foot down sooner.”

Nagarjuna’s face was stricken. “It’s strange no?” Tabu continued. “You and I practically lived together for so many years, right under her nose, but it’s this goddamn movie that’s making her feel betrayed.”

She started walking towards the door.

“Where are you going?” he asked in a small voice.

“I need to pack.” “Pack?” “I want to get out of Hyderabad, Nag. I can’t stay here anymore.”

Nagarjuna just watched her walk away- his heart felt so heavy that he could almost feel it sinking through the floor. Slowly, he made his way out of the house too, and into the present moment, where he realised that he had completely missed what Chaitanya was saying.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.”

“I was saying,” Chaitanya said with some exasperation, “You should call her. And just honestly tell her what you feel, and ask her to do the same. It’s the only way to get past this.”

“I don’t think she’s interested in picking up my calls.”

“Did you even try?”

“No, I just told you she’s probably not interested in picking up my calls.”

“Did you at least text her? Email?”

“Oh, so she can just ignore me outright? I won’t even know-”

“You sound like a high school kid, Nanna!” Chaitanya said impatiently. “Anyway, I have to go now. Ma said she was expecting me around tea-time, so I have to rush. Just, please think about it okay? Like-”

“How can you- Is there any chance in hell, Chaitanya, that she’ll talk to me?” Nagarjuna seemed to be speaking against his own will. “I just need to know that. If she is still willing- if there’s something-”

Chaitanya took his time in answering. He pretended to be busy with his shoelaces, and if Nagarjuna paid attention, he’d have noticed straight away that he wore slip-ons.

“Do you remember that framed photo she had? The one of you and her- the photo booth photos?”

“Yes, of course I do.”

“It’s still there Nanna. Still on her bedside table.”

Nagarjuna closed his eyes and remembered what that bedside table had looked like on the countless mornings he’d woken up beside her- that photo frame, her silver watch (a gift from him), her diary (which he had never opened, without being told to- as much as he ached to know what she stored in there, he knew her well enough to know that she’d immediately guess that he’d opened it, and all hell would break loose after that), and their glasses (sometimes, they’d taken them off in a hurry and they had ended up on top of each other, but Tabu, extricating herself from his embrace, had always put them properly apart from each other again so that they wouldn’t get scratches). He felt the sun as it had shone on her window- he remembered a half-asleep smile, and impossibly smooth lips brushing the back of his hand.

“Nanna?” Chaitanya sounded hesitant.

“I’m going to call her.” He still didn’t open his eyes.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

Chaitanya smiled warmly. “You have no idea how glad I am, Nanna. I was really worried about her, and I- I just hope you both feel better soon,” he hugged his father, who hung on to him a little longer and tighter than usual.

Chaitanya was almost about to start the car when he remembered that he had left his sunglasses behind. As he went back to the room, he heard his father talking on the phone. “Of course I miss you. How can you even doubt that, you- As you keep on reminding me Tabu, I’m getting older, and I really can’t take these fights anymore, just- I was not 40 when we met! You celebrated my 40th birthday with me, remember, when we went to- Oh, stop laughing and be serious for a second- I can’t come to Bombay whenever you call madam, I have some work here too. My movie is releasing tomorrow, in case you didn’t know-”

Smiling to himself, Chaitanya left without taking his sunglasses. “They’ll just have to wait for another day, I guess,” he said to himself. There was a spring in his step as he walked now, and he suddenly thought of Samantha, who was going to be his co-star in _Manam_ , and remembered that she had told him while they were shooting their last film together that she loved sunflowers.

“What a random memory,” he thought, as he started backing his car out of the driveway. The sun was setting, casting a warm golden glow over everything, and he was humming a song he used to love as a kid. The burden he’d been carrying for a month now was off his shoulders. Life really couldn’t get any better.


	8. 9 July 1997

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: pure fluff. Also, 'ila ivvu' roughly translates to 'give it to me'. And, 'Yeto Vellipoyindi Manasu' is a song from Ninne Pelladatha (1996)- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvcoRTJK_J8 (btw, Nag's reaction to Tabu's entrance is the ONLY valid reaction to Tabu's entrance ever).

Tabu tried to draw her raincoat tighter around herself, but it was no use. The rain was beating down mercilessly as she walked towards the main road. She silently cursed Nagarjuna for asking her to come out in this weather, when all she wanted to do was curl up on her sofa with a cup of tea and a magazine. Shrieking a little as her foot almost slipped into a puddle, she started looking out for Nagarjuna’s taxi- from her last phone call with him, it should have been somewhere near the PCO stand.

She spotted it immediately as she turned the corner on her street that connected it to the main road. She rushed towards it, towards him, as if the realisation that she was going to meet Nagarjuna again had only hit her now. From inside the taxi, he had seen her too- the sight of her walking towards him lit a rapturous smile on his face, and made him want to shout out loud what he had come from Hyderabad to say. He quickly paid the cab driver, grabbed his bag, and got out, just as Tabu reached him. She tried to take his bag from him, but he stopped her.

“Let it go Tabu, I can handle this little bag by myself.” Even though he was shivering, the happiness in his voice could not be suppressed. “Why didn’t you get an umbrella, by the way? How are we going to walk in this rain?”

“An umbrella would have flown away by now in this wind. Besides, you called so suddenly, I barely even had time to wear my raincoat.”

“Aiyyo, but now I’ll have to walk without any protection from this cold. What if I catch pneumonia?”

“Walk fast then, my building is not that far away,” she held out her hand to him. Nagarjuna smiled and took it. “Why didn’t you buy an umbrella at the airport?” She was walking ahead, pulling him along in the wild cascade of raindrops that seemed to obliterate everything else except the two of them.

“I was in a hurry.” Nagarjuna felt thankful that her back was to him, so that she couldn’t see him blush.

“Hurry? For what?”

“To see you.”

It was Tabu’s turn to blush now. She slowed her pace a little, and looked back at him. “You’re the most awful flirt, you know that right?” Her eyes were twinkling in the rain, and Nagarjuna realised that he finally understood what the word ‘mesmerised’ meant.

“I’m being honest!” He protested. “What does a man have to say to be believed around here?”

She didn’t reply, but walked ahead, with what he thought was a new spring in her step. Suddenly, all he wanted to do was pull her back, turn her around so that she was facing him, and tell her “I love you. I love you so much, I feel like my heart will burst.”

“It has to be that simple, right?” He thought to himself. It was raining even harder now, the water seeping into his socks, making it difficult to walk. The moment passed, and he decided that this wasn’t the right time or place to tell her. “There’ll be a better occasion,” he reassured himself, and fixed his eyes on the contours of her back, imagining all the perfect scenarios in which he told her ‘I love you’ for the first time.

They somehow made it back to her apartment. “Go and change into dry clothes Nag,” Tabu said as she headed to the kitchen. “I’m going to make some tea.”

“Where should I change?”

“Oh sorry,” she came out of the kitchen, and went into a room on her right. “This is my room. You can change here.”

Nagarjuna followed her and looked around with interest. He saw a couple of sarees, in various stages of folding and unfolding, thrown carelessly on the bed; there was a collection of framed photographs on a table near the window opposite her bed, with a few hair clips and rubber bands strewn in between. He immediately recognised the one where she was receiving the National Award- he grinned, feeling as proud as he had while clicking the photo.

Tabu had been rummaging in her closet for a towel. She came and stood in front of him with one and said, “I’ll go and make us some tea,” but didn’t move. Nor did she hand him the towel. She just stood there, trying to read his eyes, wondering why he’d come to Mumbai all of a sudden.

Nagarjuna was transfixed. He forgot how soaking wet he was, and just stared at her, as if that gave him the warmth that he so desperately craved. It was almost an out-of-body experience- she was so close to him, and he was so unbearably close to telling her how he felt.

“I love you,” he blurted out, a second before he realised what he’d said.

Tabu looked as if she’d been shaken out of a reverie.

“What?” she asked in a strange voice, eyes widening.

Nagarjuna knew he had to do some damage control. He wanted the first time he said “I love you” to her to be perfect- he wanted it to be a moment they would both remember years later, smiling and blushing; they would kiss tenderly, and he would wrap his arms around her, and…

“Ila ivvu,” Nagarjuna replied in his usual manner. “Give me the towel, Tabu, before I freeze to death. Weren’t you going to make some tea?”

“Right,” she said, moving hurriedly towards the door. “Come to the kitchen once you’re done.”

She was putting the water to boil, only half-aware of her actions, when she heard Nagarjuna calling to her.

“Did you say something? I didn’t hear,” she shouted.

“Yes, I was asking where’s your mother? Isn’t she staying with you?”

“She is, but she’s gone to Farah’s for a few weeks. I’ve been a little busy no, with shooting and dubbing and what not. Plus, she likes to go there often now, to see the baby and help Farah out. Listen, do you want plain biscuits with the tea, or the ones with cream? Or should I make some toast for you?”

“I’d like some toast, thanks. Do you have a hairdryer somewhere?”

“I do, but it’s not working.”

“Dammnit.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“How much sugar do you like?”

“Not too much. Put some extra tea leaves though.”

“Okay.”

Nagarjuna walked into the kitchen just as Tabu was pouring the tea into cups, a stack of toast resting nearby on a tray. He stood right behind her, and rested his chin on her shoulder.

“Aaah!” She gave a little scream. “You scared me, Nag. What are you doing, creeping around like that?”

“I’m not wearing shoes, na, that’s why you didn’t hear me,” he smiled into her shoulder, his hands around her waist.

“Move away Nag, or else you’ll have hot tea all over you,” she said as she picked up the tray.

“I love you,” he said before he could stop himself.

This time, there was no mistaking what she heard- Nagarjuna’s hand tensing on her waist left no room for doubt anyway. Before she could respond, however, a sneaky thought crept into her mind, and she decided to play a little trick on him.

“What?” She asked innocently.

Nagarjuna was astonished. “ I can’t believe she misheard this time too. Maybe God is giving me a signal- now I need to make it really special,” he thought to himself. Aloud, he said, “Ila ivvu, Tabu. Give me the tray, I’ll carry it. It smells so wonderful, mmm.” He kissed her cheek lightly.

As they were settling down around her dining table, Tabu started humming ‘Yeto Vellipoyindi Manasu’. Nagarjuna, who had just taken a sip of his tea, made a satisfied sound and said, “Wah, Tabu garu, wah. I pity those who don’t have this tea to drink in this weather.” He took another sip, and leaned back in his chair.

Tabu just smiled, and continued humming. There was a glimmer in her eyes as she looked at him, which made him feel as if someone had set off fireworks inside him. Suddenly, she stopped humming, and put her hand on his.

“Nag?” She was earnest now, her hand gripping his just a little tighter. “I have something to tell you.”

The fireworks fizzled out. “She IS engaged to Sajid. I knew it. Oh my god, how will I explain to her why I came to Bombay now? I should have just told her ‘I love you’ in the rain. Or in her room. Or in the kitchen. Oh for god’s sake, say something, you idiot, say SOME-”

“What is it, Pandu?” He leaned forward, and put his other hand on top of hers, rubbing this thumb lightly across the back of her hand. He was trying his best to appear cool and teasing, but his smile was a little too wide.

“Nag,” she took a deep breath, and looked straight into his eyes. “I love you.” Even though she had planned it as a little revenge on Nagarjuna for trying to trick her, she realised how exhilarating it was to say these words out loud- as if she had wanted to say them for months, but hadn’t realised it till right now, after actually saying them to him. “I love you, Nag. I love you so much. I can’t stop saying it, because that’s how much I love you.”

Nagarjuna was floored. He’d been mentally preparing to hear the worst news of his life; instead, Tabu had told him that she loved him, told him that more than once. He was full of emotions, yet incapable of sorting through them- which made him end up saying the first thing that came to his head.

“I wanted to say it first, Tabu. I came from Hyderabad specially to say it, and now-” He stopped, mortified by his rant, but to his great surprise, Tabu was laughing.

“What? Why are you laughing?”

“It’s just- Oh Nag, did you really think your little ‘Ila ivvu’ stunt was going to work? I mean it did, the first time- but the second time? I-”

“So you don’t love me then? You were just pranking me?” He hadn’t yet recovered from her declaration of love; now, he felt as if the earth itself was going to collapse.

“What? Of course I love you,” Tabu’s felt horrified at the prospect of Nagarjuna misunderstanding her. She cupped his face in her hands. “I love you. I just meant that I realised why you had come here so unexpectedly, and I- I wanted to say it first too! And see your reaction, because you- I knew you were being dramatic- Oh god, I’ve ruined everything, haven’t I? I’m such an idiot, I don’t know why I did that-”

Tabu couldn’t complete the sentence because Nagarjuna had wrapped her up suddenly in a tight embrace. She hugged him back, even though she was still not exactly sure of what he was thinking.

“Nag?” She asked nervously after some time.

“For the record, I did say it first. In your room.” He was stroking her hair now.

“But you took it back! It doesn’t count.”

“I did not take it back! I do love you.”

“Yes, but you tried your little ila ivvu trick, didn’t you? Why did you do that anyway?” She was on his lap now, her head on his shoulder.

“Well, I wanted it to be special. Something memorable. Not the trick. Me saying ‘I love you.’ Which I do, with all my heart.” He kissed the top of her head.

“Really? What did you plan?”

“Oh you know. I’d take you out to dinner in a nice restaurant, buy you some beautiful flowers, then take you to the terrace, go down on one knee, and tell you that I love you.”

“You’re making all of this up, aren’t you?”

“How did you know?”

She kissed him. “I just do.”

He kissed her back. “Tell me.”

“Well, if you had actually put in so much thought into something, you wouldn’t be as fidgety as you were earlier. And you wouldn’t have just let it slip like that. I know you, Mr. Nagarjuna. I know you too well.” She winked at him.

“Hmmm, I agree with you, except on one thing.”

“What?”

“That I wouldn’t have let it slip. I’m not sure about that, because-”

“Because you’re a joker, Nag.”

“Accha? Well, you just said that you love a joker. What does that make you?”

“Hmmm, good point. Do you realise that because of all this drama, the tea and toast have gone cold?”

“What, am I to be blamed for this? You were the one who tried to- I actually still don’t understand what you were trying to do.”

“And you never will. Because you’re a joker. Now let me go, I’ll go and heat all of this up.”

“It won’t taste as nice. Do one thing, make it again. Actually, I want coffee now. Can you make that for me?”

“Make it yourself. And make a cup for me too.”

“Arrey, is this how you treat guests?”

“You are not a guest. Get up, and come with me to the kitchen.”

She moved to the kitchen, Nagarjuna following her with a piece of toast in his hand.

“You know, Tabu, Satyanarayana came to me with a script recently. You should do it with me. He wants to cast someone else, but I can persuade him.”

“What’s it about?”

“Eh, one of his husband-wife comedies. Sounded like the one Venkatesh did.”

“I didn’t see it. But are you sure you can convince him, if he already has someone in mind?”

“Of course, I can.” He went and hugged her from behind. “Don’t worry about that. Just say you’ll do it with me. We’ll go to Europe for shooting,” he kissed her neck, “And spend so much time together. You know what, we should do at least one movie every year.”

“I agree. Ila ivvu, Nag.”

“I love you too, my jaan.” He kissed her again.

“I meant, give me your toast Nag, I want to eat it too. What did you hear hmm?”

“Oh wow, Tabu garu, so funny, ha ha ha,” Nagarjuna scowled. “What will you make me for dinner?”

“Weren’t you going to take me out? To a nice restaurant? Then buy me flowers? And go down on one knee and confess your undying love for me?”

“No, you ruined it all with your brilliant plan. Besides, I only came here to ask you about Satyanarayana’s movie.”

“But didn’t he find someone else already? I shouldn’t ruin his plan too, na? Let it be, Nag-”

“Aiyyo, don’t say that,” he hugged her again. “You’re doing this movie. No more discussions.”

Years later, when they reminisced about this evening, it was exactly as Nagarjuna had hoped- they smiled and blushed (and also laughed); he wrapped his arms around her, kissed her tenderly, and told her that it had been the very best evening of his life, and always will be.


	9. 6 January, 2015

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been asked by a reader to compile a playlist of all the songs that inspire me while writing this fic, or the ones specifically mentioned in it. Here it is, a work in progress- https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0tzybCrultREezTuY5SINM?si=_t8d-n8wSp6o1yjzidgKq
> 
> Also, "ammayi" = girl. And "Akkada chaala romantic places unnai" = "there are many romantic places there". Thanks to my guru garu for being A1 with all the translation help!

Nagarjuna hesitated, his hand on the door knob. He had a small gift-wrapped package in his other hand, which he nervously clutched, wondering whether he should go in at all. He anyway had to meet her in half an hour- he, Amala, and Tabu were going to a lunch hosted by Venkatesh together. Maybe he should just give it to her then? But giving it in front of Amala was out of the question- he rang the doorbell, and now waited impatiently for someone to come open the door.

It was answered a few minutes later by the maid who came to clean the house once every two weeks. She smiled and said, “Namaste sir.” Her eyes fell on the box he was carrying. He held it up against his chest with both his hands, and smiled at her.

“Namaste, Meena. How are you?”

“I’m fine, sir. You?”

“I’m fine too. Where’s Tabu?”

“Madam is in her room, getting ready. Do you want anything? To drink or eat?”

“No, thanks.”

“Should I ask madam to come-”

“No, no. You continue with your work. I’ll go up only.”

“Alright,” she gave him another smile and walked off to the kitchen.

Nagarjuna climbed the stairs to Tabu’s bedroom. He paused on the landing, near a painting of three girls, each playing the violin. He stared at it for a few seconds, realising that he must have seen that painting thousands of times- it had been at this very spot since she first shifted here. He then looked at the tall vase in the corner, with the pink paper flowers- everything was so intensely familiar, he found it hard to believe that it really had been more than 2 years since Tabu had permanently moved out of this house.

He knocked on her door. “Tabu? It’s me.”

“Nag? Come in.”

She was sitting in front of the mirror when he entered, putting on a pair of earrings. She smiled at him apologetically through the mirror, and suddenly, the old pain that had resurfaced time and again ever since she left came back. He went and stood behind her, put the package on the table, and rested his arms on her shoulders.

“Are you sniffing my hair?”

He cupped her chin in his hands, and leant forward to kiss her forehead. “I can’t help it.”

She blushed and picked up the box. “What is this?”

“A little gift for you.” He kissed her again.

“Ooh, exciting. Can I open it?”

“Of course. It’s yours.” Another kiss.

She turned around to face him. Nagarjuna looked at his reflection, and saw an old man looking back at him. He hastily dropped his gaze, and put his hands over Tabu’s.

She looked at him questioningly. Without a word, he went down on his knees, took the box from her hands, and started opening it up for her.

“Do you remember,” he said, once the wrapping paper was gone, “That hotel we stayed at in Amsterdam?”

“Yes,” there was a crease in her brows as she answered.

“Remember those tea cups that you liked so much there?” He was pulling the tape off the top of the box now.

“The green ones? Yes, I do.”

“I went back to that hotel last time I was in Amsterdam, you know, just for old times’ sake. They were actually closing down forever, and selling some stuff. I’m sorry I could only manage to find one- the owner told me the rest were broken.”

“Oh Nag,” There was a lump in her throat as she spoke. “You don’t- why are you apologising?”

He pulled out the cup carefully and offered it to her. She took it from him, and gazed reverentially at it, turning it around in her hands.

“I can’t believe you remembered.”

Nagarjuna sat up a little, pressing his forehead to hers. He took the cup from her hands, and put it on the table behind them. She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him to her- they were so close now, she could feel his eyelashes flutter.

“I remember everything about that trip,” he whispered, his eyes on her lips. They stayed like that, breathing into each other, locked into an embrace neither wanted to get out of.

Nagarjuna stood up after a few minutes, and pulled Tabu up too. He was smiling gently, his hand in hers, the other on her back. He steered her around the room as he sang “Kyun naye lag rahe, hain yeh dharti gagan, maine poochha toh boli yeh pagli pawan.”

“Pyaar hua chupke se,” Tabu joined him, a beatific smile on her face.

“Yeh kya huaa, chupke se,” they crooned together, laughing. Nagarjuna swept a few strands of hair from her face, and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and kissed him back.

“We’re going to get late,” she said after a while, removing his arms from around her.

“Let’s not go,” he pulled her back in. “Let’s just stay here. I’ve missed you.”

“Nag,” she broke away from him, and sat down in front of her mirror again. “I’ve missed you too. But we have to go, you know that.”

“Why do we have to go anywhere? You’ve come back home-” Tabu cleared her throat when he said the last word- “after so long. I need some time with you,” he leant in, kissing the back of her neck, “My god, I’ve missed you so much.”

Tabu spoke in between re-applying her lipstick. “Venkatesh has organized this party just for me. I can’t ditch him like that.”

“So tell him to do it some other day. He’ll understand,” he murmured, running his fingers over the soft cloth covering her back.

“Nag, please-”

“Tabu, pleeeeeease,” he had enveloped her in a giant embrace. “Just-”

They were interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing.

“It’s Amala,” he said, before answering. Tabu didn’t say anything.

“She’s ready.” He was a little nervous now, as he watched Tabu smooth out imaginary creases on her clothes.

“You go ahead. I’ll join you guys in 5 minutes.”

He hesitated. “Tabu?”

“Yeah?”

“I’ll see you in 5 minutes?”

“Of course.”

Nagarjuna went out, his feeling of discomfort increasing with every step he took. As he walked over to his garage, he saw Amala coming out of a side door of their house. He waved to her without thinking, which made her smile, and wave back. Nagarjuna was even more discomfited- Amala’s smile made him feel like she knew a joke that she was enjoying at his expense. As she came nearer to him, he noticed there was a small bouquet of white and purple flowers in her hand. She saw him looking, and said, “Violets and lilies. I know Tabu likes them. Where is she?”

“She’ll be out in a few minutes. They look beautiful,” he nodded at the flowers. “Did you grow them yourself?”

“Yes.”

Nagarjuna waited for her to say something more, but she stood there near the car, as placid as ever. Suddenly, she spread her arms wide, and rushed forwards.

“Tabu, it’s so good to see you after such a long time!”

Tabu sped up towards Amala, grinning widely.

“Amala jaaneman!” She hugged her tightly, catching Nagarjuna’s eye. She quickly looked away, and pulled back from Amala.

“So, how have you been?”

“I’ve been fine. Here, these are for you,” she thrust the flowers into Tabu’s hands, smiling fondly at her.

“Oh wow Amala, these are beautiful. I remember you used to grow lilies a couple of years back. Are these from the same plant?”

“Yes, they are!” Amala was grinning widely now. “So sweet of you to remember.”

“Aren’t we getting late?” Nagarjuna was already getting into the car. “You ladies can carry on your reunion while we’re driving, no?”

The two of them exchanged glances as they followed him. Nagarjuna didn’t talk at all while driving, even though Tabu and Amala kept up a steady stream of conversation all the way. Once or twice, he glanced at Tabu through the rearview mirror, and opened his mouth to say something- but the words that came felt so childishly out of place that he let them go. He only half-listened to the conversation around him- Amala was filling Tabu up with the latest Hyderabad gossip, both of them comparing notes on their own versions of the story. He was already waiting for this afternoon to get over, so that he could get Tabu alone.

“She’s only here for three days, and of course, everyone is dying to see her,” he thought bitterly. “She’ll be gone before I even get a chance to-”

“Nag?” his wife’s voice interrupted his internal rant. “I was asking you something.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

Amala made an annoyed sound. “I was asking whether Chaitanya’s coming or not?”

Nagarjuna’s mind went blank for a second. “Chaitanya? Oh, Chaitanya. Of course, he’s coming.”

“What were you thinking about so intensely Nag, that you forgot about your own son?” Tabu asked innocently.

“Haan, and you’ve been way too quiet as well. Very unlike you, huh?” Amala glanced back at Tabu, smirking.

“Amala garu, Tabu garu, I just wanted to focus on driving. Is that a bad thing?”

“Not at all Nag, but did you focus so hard that you missed the turn to Venkatesh’s road?” Tabu was now shaking with laughter, while Amala dramatically put her hand on her forehead and sighed.

“Oh fuck. Couldn’t one of you have told me this before?”

“Oh hello, don’t try to put this on us,” Amala said, mock-admonishingly. “I toh told you earlier only to let me drive. See, this is what happens when you try to be too much of a Greeku Veerudu.”

Tabu laughed at her trademark high-pitched way at this, which made Amala very pleased. Nagarjuna just scowled, his eyes still on the road, fervently hoping for this afternoon to end as quickly as possible. 

Everybody had already arrived by the time they reached Venkatesh’s house. There was a festive feeling in the air, which Nagarjuna found oppressive in his current mood. The moment they entered, Venkatesh rushed forward to hug Tabu, swaying a little as he gripped her tight.

“Let me look at you,” he held her at arm’s length, and smiled affectionately at her. “You look terrific, Tabu. I’m so glad you’re here, even if you are the last one to arrive. Hmm, is it the latest trend to be late to a party thrown in your honour?”

“That’s always been the trend, Victory Venkatesh. Anyway, we’re late because Nag forgot the way to your house.”

“What did you say?” Nagarjuna, who was standing a few feet away from them, turned around at the mention of his name.

“She was saying that you forgot the way to my house. Really, Nag? I don’t believe it.”

They were interrupted by Venkatesh’s wife Neeraja, who hugged Tabu, and led her away, saying that she wanted her to meet the kids. Nagarjuna watched Tabu walking away, his lips set in a thin, inflexible line. He didn’t even notice Venkatesh, who was looking at him with concern. He jumped a little when Venkatesh patted him on the back.

“Why are you standing here Nag? Not in a mood to socialise?”

Nagarjuna forced a smile. “Oh no, nothing like that. I just got lost in some work stuff.”

“Arrey, what work stuff here? Forget about all that for a while. Come, have something to drink.”

During lunch, Nagarjuna sat beside Tabu at one end of the table. Chaitanya sat on her other side, showing her something on his phone which made both of them laugh. Amala was sitting opposite him, holding a long conversation with Suresh Babu. After a while, feeling strangely lonely, Nagarjuna couldn’t resist from peeking into Chaitanya’s phone.

“What are you guys laughing at?”

“Chaitu was just showing me these hilarious dog videos on YouTube,” Tabu was giggling, covering her mouth with her hand. “Can you teach me how to download them?”

“Why do you want to download them?”

“I want to send these to Farah, she would love them.”

“You can just send these directly, no need to download,” Chaitanya was shaking his head, smiling patronizingly. “Here, I’ll teach you-”

“Ahem, ahem,” Venkatesh had stood up, his wine glass in one hand. “If I could please have everybody’s attention.”

There was a general clatter as everyone set down their forks and spoons, and shifted their focus to their beaming host.

“First of all, I’d just like to thank you all for taking out time from your busy schedules and coming here. Secondly, I’m sure you must all be aware that this little party was held in Tabu’s honour, so can we all have a big round of applause for our very own Hyderabadi ammayi?”

Everyone immediately started clapping for her, with some of the youngsters even hooting and whistling. Tabu briefly hid her face in her hands, as Chaitanya gave her a side hug. Nagarjuna clapped the hardest of them all, looking at Tabu with years of pride in his eyes. At that same moment, she looked at him as well, and blushed, immediately hiding her face in her hands again.

“Thank you, thank you so much everyone,” she gazed around at the table, her hand on her chest, and her eyes shining. “I feel so overwhelmed now- arrey sorry Venky, you continue what you were saying,” she smiled widely, and blew a kiss at him, which made everyone laugh.

“Well, where was I? Oh right, our Hyderabadi ammayi making us all so proud with every movie that she does. Tabu, I don’t even have the words to describe what I felt after seeing you in _Haider_. Ask Neeraja, we couldn’t stop talking about it for two days! You have honestly surpassed yourself, and that’s saying something, considering how stunning your performances have been throughout your career. And I think I speak for everyone here, when I say that I am sure they will be even more terrific in the future. More importantly though, you have not just grown as an actor in all these years that I’ve known you, but also as a beautiful human being. I am prouder than ever to call you my friend. Here’s to you, Tabu,” Venkatesh raised his glass in her direction, “and to many more years of your success and happiness.”

His speech was followed by another round of applause, with Sushanth shouting “Woohoo!” in the middle. Tabu wiped her eyes, feeling even more overwhelmed than before. Chaitanya squeezed her hand, and she smiled at him gratefully.

“I don’t think I can speak as well as Venky did, but I just want to say how lucky I am to have this family here in Hyderabad. All the best times in my life have become better after celebrating them with you guys. And thank you Venky and Neeraja especially, for organizing this get-together, and for being so kind to me all these years. You both are the best friends anyone could ever have, and I am beyond honoured that you did all this just for me. Venky, now we have to do another movie together, with full song and dance.”

“I am always up for that, Tabu garu. You clear out your schedule, and we’ll-”

“Recreate the ‘Kila Kilamani’ song please,” Chaitanya interrupted his uncle. “Especially the bit in the middle, near the fountain.”

“Why do you remember that?” Tabu was giggling now. “I can picture that evening so clearly, we were so exhausted from dancing all day, and Venky announces that he won’t sleep till this bit is done too. I wanted to kill him, but thank god it only took one take, otherwise I really would have.” She pointed her fork at him, and raised her eyebrows in an exaggerated manner.

“That is such a preposterous lie,” Venkatesh was shaking his head. “You were just jealous because you couldn’t keep up with my moves.”

“Haan, that is very true. I toh still don’t know how to dance.”

“Come on yaar Tabu. I still remember how everyone wanted to be the next ‘Ruk Ruk’ girl after _Vijaypath_ ,” Suresh Babu smiled indulgently at her. “Every actress I met for a few months wanted to know if we could have a dance number like that.”

“Yes, exactly. You have grown as an actress _and_ a dancer since _Coolie No. 1_. I know, because I was right there.” Venkatesh took a sip of his drink.

“You know, I have seen all of Tabu’s movies,” Nagarjuna said suddenly, surprising even himself. He had been waiting for an opportunity to speak- listening to Venkatesh’s toast, he had wondered if he would ever get the chance to declare how proud he was of Tabu, how he had seen her grow too, how he had literally been with her when she won her first National Award, how it was actually a double win for her that night because _Ninne Pelladatha_ had won too, how he had gone to see her off at the airport when she flew to shoot _The Namesake_ all alone in the US, how she had called him excitedly when _Cheeni Kum_ was offered to her, and how much she’d loved her character, and identified with her, from the first hearing itself. All these thoughts twisted inside him, and the words scrambled out before he could put them in order.

There was an awkward silence for a few seconds.

“Yes, of course you have, Nag. No one was doubting otherwise,” Venkatesh said in a semi-joking manner. “It would actually be surprising if you and Amala don’t go watch her movies, am I right?” He looked at Amala, who was sitting a few places away from him. She smiled and nodded. “Tabu is one of my favourite actresses ever, I would never miss her movies.”

“Tabu garu, what’s your favourite movie that you’ve ever done?” Chaitanya asked her.

“Hmmm,” she looked thoughtful. “You know, I can never decide. So many people have asked me this, and every time I come up with a different answer. Why don’t you tell me what your favourite movie of mine is?”

“Wah. I ask you a question, and you turn it onto me.”

“It’s my party na, I can do whatever I want to. Am I right, Neeraja?”

“Of course you are. I’ll tell you my favourite movie of yours, Tabu. It’s _Kandukondain Kandukondain_.”

“Really?” Tabu reached a hand out to her. “It’s one of my favourite roles too.”

Neeraja clasped Tabu’s hand. “I just love the ‘Enna Solla Pogirai’ video. I’ve been requesting Venkatesh for years, please take me to Egypt, but he never listens.”

“Tsk, tsk. It’s going to be your 30th anniversary this year, you better take her. Or else…” Tabu narrowed her eyes at him, which made him throw up his hands in resignation.

“Okay madam, okay. Just as you like. Anything else?”

“Tabu aunty, can you ask him to get me a credit card?” Venkatesh’s youngest daughter piped up.

“Why don’t you ask your dear Tabu aunty only to get you a credit card? Why are you all after my life?” Venkatesh said dramatically, which made everyone laugh.

Nagarjuna sat silent throughout the lunch, half-fuming over Venkatesh’s sarcastic comment. “He’s always so smug about her,” he thought. “I wonder if she’s told him- no, they aren’t that close. Probably. Even if she has, what can he do about it? Although she won’t. I don’t think she’s told anyone. Why did I agree to come to this godforsaken party? I should have faked a headache and stayed home. Or pretended like I had some urgent work. Not like anyone would have missed me anyway.” He knew he was being needlessly bitter, but he had never figured out how to stop himself from spiralling down these bad moods that took hold of him sometimes. He looked at Amala, who was talking to one of Venkatesh’s daughters now. He thought about disrupting all these conversations around him by declaring that he wasn’t feeling well, and insisting on immediately going home.

“Oh my god Nag, you’re not going to behave like an old man,” he tried to snap himself out of it. “It’s fine. Nothing is wrong. You’re just overreacting because you wanted to spend time with Tabu, but you can’t right now. That’s it. You’re going to get out of here eventually, you’re going to spend the evening with her, and it’s all going to go well. Plus, both she and Amala will see right through the illness excuse and you’ll never hear the end of it. Not from them, and certainly not from Venkatesh. And Chaitanya. What is he talking to her so intensely about?”

“What are you guys talking about?” Nagarjuna said aloud, shifting so that he was almost shoulder-to-shoulder with Tabu.

They exchanged a glance, then looked at him together. Something about the synchronicity unnerved him.

“She was just telling me about Kashmir,” Chaitanya leaned in closer. “I was thinking of taking a vacation. You know, to unwind.”

“Yes, I know why people take vacations Chaitu,” Nagarjuna laughed, not too kindly. “But don’t you have more work to do for your next film? What was it called?”

“No, most of my work is over. And we haven’t really decided on a title yet. Anyway, it’s not like I’m going away for a month. I’ll be back in a week.

“Two weeks,” Tabu said. “You should stay there for two weeks, and visit all my favourite places.”

“Okay done,” Chaitanya grinned at her. “Make me a list, and include all the good food places also.”

“Of course I will. Akkada chaala romantic places unnai,” Tabu smirked at him, which made him turn beetroot-red, while Nagarjuna laughed so enthusiastically that he clapped Tabu on the back.

“It’s not that funny, Nanna,” Chaitanya was trying hard not to blush. “And I didn’t ask for any romantic places Tabu garu.” He was very obviously flustered.

“Wow, what a comeback Chaitanya. I’m going to have to stop teasing you, if you give me such replies,” Tabu pretended to be hurt for a second, before she started laughing. “Look at your son Nag, all grown up now. Planning trips to Kashmir.”

“Without any romantic places though, don’t forget,” Nagarjuna said, making both of them laugh harder.

“You don’t need places to be romantic, Nag, you just need the right person. Right, Chaitanya?”

Chaitanya made a disgusted sound. “You guys are hopeless, stretching a joke that wasn’t even funny to begin with.”

“Arey chill, Chaitu, no need to get so worked up,” Tabu rubbed his shoulder.

“He’ll go to Kashmir to chill now,” Nagarjuna was laughing so hard that he barely managed to get the words out.

Even Chaitanya couldn’t stop himself from laughing at this. “That was so bad, Nanna.”

“Then why are you laughing?” Tabu asked.

“I’m laughing at you guys for finding this funny,” he retorted.

“Don’t act too cool now, haan Chaitu? Save some for your Kashmir ki kali.”

“Aye Tabu, stop harassing my nephew,” Venkatesh said from across the table.

“But I didn’t do anything only, Venky,” Tabu made a face at him. “I don’t know what he’s getting so worked up about.”

“I know you must have said something, otherwise why is he so red?”

“He’s always been this red. How have you not noticed?”

Venkatesh narrowed his eyes. “What are you guys hiding from me?”

“Nothing mama, Tabu garu and Nanna were just teasing me. Old people jokes.”

“Do not call me old, Chaitanya,” Nagarjuna said through gritted teeth.

“Arrey Nag, get used to it. These youngsters, they’re going to tease us like this only.” Tabu sighed. “Anyway, Venky, pass me some more cake please. I want to treat myself one last time before _Drishyam_. Nag, do you want some?”

Nagarjuna shook his head, and resumed his silent posture. Chaitanya’s comment had made him remember how he had seen an old man in Tabu’s mirror earlier; he closed his eyes, and that image returned to him in full force, making him wince. He tried very hard to remember what he looked like when he was young; all that came was a photograph that used to be on his father’s desk, him in his early 20s, leaning against a wall, an easy smile on his face. He remembered how he used to feel in those days- as if he just had to reach out, and everything that he wanted would be his. He smiled a little, thinking of those times, and opened his eyes to see Amala looking at him with a strange expression on her face. She raised her eyebrows when she saw him opening his eyes, and he shook his head a little in response. She continued looking at him, her face pointedly blank, for a few seconds- it made him feel as if she was trying to bore a hole through his forehead. He smiled awkwardly at her, which made her grin at him, and Nagarjuna had no doubt that she was mocking him, even though he couldn’t explain why or how.

Later, in the evening, Nagarjuna was stretched out on Tabu’s bed, messing about on his phone, while Tabu was back in front of her mirror, removing her jewellery and make-up.

“So Nag,” she said out of the blue, “How have you been?”

“I- what?”

She turned around to face him. “How have you been?” she asked again, gently.

“I’m fine.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way Nag, but I was very worried about you the entire afternoon. Are you sure everything is fine?”

She got up from her seat and sat beside him. He took her hand in his, and kissed it. “Of course everything is fine. What makes you think otherwise?”

“It’s just,” Tabu looked away from him, and fixed her eyes on the wall opposite. “You looked so distracted. And pale. Not like your usual self at all.”

“What’s there to worry about in that?” Nagarjuna laughed. “I was just thinking about work. That’s why I was a little distracted, nothing else.”

Tabu still didn’t look at him. “Work?”

“Work,” he echoed, the laughter having faded away from his voice. “Really, jaan, everything is alright. I was just- you know,” he fished around desperately for the right words, “Just not in a good mood. Didn’t want to dampen your special day, my jaan, with my bad mood. Come here,” he pulled her down to him, resting her head on his chest, and hugging her close. “See now, I’m in the best mood possible.” He kissed her forehead.

“Did I ruin your day?” he asked after a few minutes of silence.

“Of course not,” she inched closer to him. “I was just worried that you weren’t feeling well or something. Nag?”

“Yes?”

“Why were you in a bad mood? Did something happen?”

Nagarjuna sighed. “No, nothing happened. I told you na, I was distracted by work. We’re having some scripting problems with _Oopiri_ , so I was constantly thinking about that. I’m sorry,” he said the last part in a rush, pulling her hand towards him and kissing it.

He had hoped that his excuse was vague enough to prevent further questioning, but Tabu raised herself up on an elbow, and looked at him, concern spilling out of her eyes. “Really? What kind of trouble? Maybe I can help?”

“Oh it’s nothing major. Just some drama about translating into Tamil and Telugu. You know, the usual mess of making a bilingual film.”

“I see,” she smiled at him. “I’m sorry it ruined your entire day, Nag.” She kissed his forehead, and put her head back on his chest. He wrapped an arm around her, making them both feel safe and warm.

“Also,” she looked up at him, “Have you really seen all of my movies? Tell me the truth.”

“Of course I have. Right up to _Haider_. Which I loved, by the way. You are definitely winning the National Award again for this, my little Tabdi.”

“Oh come on. I don’t think I’m ever winning the National Award again.”

“Why would you say that? This was definitely one of your best performances. Even I forgot that it was you there- all I saw was Ghazala, and it was only when Amala and Akhil started discussing the movie that I remembered that you were there. I’m telling you, this performance was extraordinary. Only a panel of idiots would overlook you. Besides, it’s not even like you have any real competition.”

Tabu made a disparaging sound. “We’ll see. Anyway, don’t change the topic. I can’t believe you’ve seen all my movies.”

“I can’t believe that you’re doubting me even on this.”

“Well, there are some that even I have not seen. And I don’t even know where to see them. Or if I want to see them,” Tabu chuckled.

“You can quiz me if you want, but I’m telling you, I have seen every single one.”

“Ohho, such confidence. Have you seen, umm, _Dil Ne Phir Yaad Kiya_?”

“Yes, I have,” Nagarjuna smiled teasingly at her. “What was that song? Dupatta sambhaal ke? Nice steps, han Tabu, very nice lyrics also.”

“You don’t have any right to judge me okay, Captain Nagarjun.”

“Oh please, you haven’t even seen it. You only know about it because I told you.”

“So what?” Tabu bumped her head against his playfully.

Nagarjuna sighed deeply, as if in great pain. “Let it be, Tabu garu. I know important people like you don’t have the time or inclination to watch my films. It’s okay, I’ll live with it. After all, I am your most ardent fan.”

“Stop it, you drama queen,” Tabu was laughing as she spoke. “You know I’m your biggest fan, and I have been one for ages. And it’s not fair to compare anyway, you have done way more movies than I have. It’ll take me a lot of time to hunt for them, and then watch them.”

“Tch, tch. Haven’t you heard of the Internet, you old woman?” Tabu opened her mouth in surprise, too shocked to actually say anything. “I know how to download things from the Internet. Torrents,” Nagarjuna finished triumphantly.

“Who taught you all this?”

“Don’t be jealous.”

“Akhil?”

Nagarjuna gasped. “How did you-”

“He’s the only one you can corner long enough to teach you these complicated things.” Tabu was laughing again now.

“I give up. You go ahead and laugh at me to your heart’s content.”

“Oh Nag,” Tabu got up and went to her dressing table. She picked up the green cup he had given her earlier in the morning, and stood there, looking at it softly. “Forget all of that. I just wanted to tell you that I have been thinking about this cup all day. I really don’t deserve anyone like you-”

“Shut up,” Nagarjuna had gotten out of the bed too, and was now standing in front of her, his hands on her shoulders. “This is nothing. You are magnificent. You deserve the whole world, Tabu. Don’t ever forget that.”

She looked up at him. “I don’t know how to thank you- and how to apologise.”

“Apologise? For what?”

“I feel like- I feel like I wasn’t there for you enough. This past year, when you went through so much.”

Nagarjuna realised what she was talking about, and pulled her closer to him, gently keeping the cup back on the table.

“Why are you blaming yourself, when you did nothing wrong? You rushed here as soon as you heard, and you stayed for as long as you could. And it’s not like his death was a shock to any of us- if you think about it, we had been preparing ourselves for a whole year. We were all immensely lucky in that way. And Nanna went doing what he loved, how he had always imagined and wished for,” his voice broke a little as he said the last word.

Tabu immediately hugged him tighter. “Nag, I am so sorry. I know I should have been here for you. I should have come straight to Hyderabad from Srinagar, I-”

“Tabu, shh. It’s okay. I had my whole family with me, didn’t I? Don’t blame yourself for nothing.”

“I know Nag, but I feel so guilty about it anyway. I can’t help it. I really wanted to come, I was sure I would come, but I felt so broken. I just couldn’t get Ghazala out of my system for some time. I needed to be away from everything to get away from her. That’s why I couldn’t come here, because I knew I’d just be another burden on you. But I was constantly feeling guilty too, and I just wanted to be with you so badly-”

“My jaan, you shouldn’t have thought so much about it at all. I am sorry that you had to go through so much for your role, and what can I say except that I am just so proud of you. Maybe I’m biased, but I think you’re the best actress ever. No one can match you, no one can even come close to you. You are truly special. But if you feel like talking about the whole Ghazala thing, I am right here, most willing to listen.”

“Not right now, Nag. I’m actually writing something about it. Maybe I’ll read that out to you once I’m done.”

“That sounds wonderful. Whatever you want, Tabu. And why are you so upset about not being with me? We did spend time together last year, remember, when we met in Bombay? Don’t be so hard on yourself, my love, especially when you’ve done nothing wrong at all.”

“Yes, I know we spent time together last year, but I was talking about being here right after- you know.”

“I know. And I understand.”

“Plus, you were looking so unwell the entire day, I started feeling guilty all over again. If it had been anyone else but Venky, I would have pretended that I was sick and made you take me home.”

Nagarjuna suddenly grinned at her. “Really?”

“Yeah. You know I’m capable of that.”

“Yes, yes. But I had thought of doing that too!”

“What?” Tabu was grinning back at him.

“Yeah, there was a point when I wanted to pretend I was sick and come back home.”

Tabu shook her head. “Why are we like this?”

“No idea. But I love it.”

“Me too.”

Nagarjuna leaned in closer to her. “Come on pilla, go and get your laptop.”

“My laptop? What do you need that for?”

“We are going to cheer up. We are going to get our minds off from these sad conversations, and have a good time together.”

“And how are we going to do that?”

“We are going to watch _Captain Nagarjun_ ,” he said proudly.

“Are you serious?”

“Obviously. You know, I don’t think I’ve ever watched the entire thing in one go after the first screening. Who knows what surprises we might discover?”

“You’re actually serious about this, aren’t you?”

“Yes yes, Tabu garu, I am very much serious. Now please, get your laptop. And some snacks. We have a very memorable night ahead of us.”

“I have no doubts about that.”

“I have no doubts that I love you.”

“Oh my god, you have surpassed even yourself in cheesiness. Going to use this in a movie too?”

“I will, if you’re in the movie. And if you say it back.”

“Uh huh. Like you did the last time, na?”

“It was a tribute to you. Since you couldn’t be in the movie, my favourite memory of yours had to be there.”

“Sure,” she was moving towards the door now.

“Hey don’t go without saying ‘I love you’ back to me. It’s rude!”

“Ila ivvu, Nag, ila ivvu,” Tabu was laughing as she ran out the door.

Nagarjuna waited for a second, then ran after her, his heart lighter than it had been in months. “Ila ivvu,” he called to her. “Ila ivvu forever.”


	10. 29 August, 2008

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On special demand. Your gal just can't say no to her fans.
> 
> PS- This was ideally supposed to come out on Nag's birthday, but well. Belated happy birthday to one half of my OTP. <3

Nagarjuna was sitting at the dining table, going through messages on his phone. Tabu crept up behind him, and put her hand over his eyes.

“Guess who,” she said in a squeaky voice.

Nagarjuna put his own hands over hers. “Hmm, these hands seem familiar. I wonder who it could be. Tabassum, is that your name?”

“Jee haan, bilkul sahi. I am honoured that you remember me,” she removed her hands, and hugged him. “Happy happy birthday, my hero. I love you so much.” She kissed the top of his head, and hugged him tighter.

“Thank you so much Tabu garu. I love you too. Where’s my gift?”

“Is that why you came here five hours early?”

“Of course. What other reason could I have for coming to your house?” Nagarjuna giggled. “I’m serious, Tabu. Where’s my gift?”

“It’s in my room,” Tabu pulled his ear. “I’m going to ignore that thing you said earlier about coming to my house, but only because it’s your birthday. I would have been very upset otherwise.”

“Aiyyo, never get upset with me,” he turned around to look at her. “You’re the loveliest gift ever, Pandu.”

“Stop your sweet talk at least for today, Seenu,” she smiled and shook her head at him. “Come, let’s open your gift.”

“Wait a minute.”

“What?” Tabu was tapping her foot in a rather impatient manner as Nagarjuna got up from his chair. He winked at her, and suddenly picked her up in his arms and rushed towards her bedroom.

“Put me down, Nag,” Tabu exclaimed as he started climbing the stairs. “You’re going to hurt your back.”

“I might be 49 on paper, but in my heart I’m still 21. And I’m as fit as any 25 year old out there anyway. I can bet anything on that.”

“You creep, I was 10 when you were 21. And 14 when you were 25,” Tabu laughed as he opened the door to her room. “I’m telling you- aargh!” she screamed a little as Nagarjuna jumped onto the bed with her still in his arms.

“Yes, Tabu garu, what were you telling me?” He put his hand under her head, and smiled down at her. “Do I still look old to you?”

“I never said you were old. Or looked old,” she scowled. “I was just telling you to be careful. You don’t have to do all of this in front of me. Now, let me get up and give you your gift.”

“Do what? I’m not doing anything, I’m just being myself.”

Tabu tried very hard to not roll her eyes. “As you say, Nag. Get off me na, don’t you want your gift?”

“No, wait. What did you mean by ‘you don’t have to do all of this”? What do you think I’m doing?”

“It meant nothing,” Tabu said with an air of finality to her voice. “I just wanted to say that you can just be yourself with me. You don’t have to prove anything.”

“I am being myself. And what do I have to prove anyway?”

“Nothing, like I said. You have to prove nothing,” she smiled coaxingly at him and pushed him off of her. “I really hope you like your gift.”

“Of course I’ll like it. I’ll love whatever you’re going to give me. Doubtu ledu.”

Tabu walked over to her cupboard, and took a notebook out of a drawer. The cover was dark blue, plain except for a small silver design on the bottom right corner. She came back to where he was sitting up against the pillows, and handed it to him, suddenly unable to look him in the eye.

“Are you blushing?” Nagarjuna smirked. He stroked the front of the notebook lightly, as if caressing it. “What is this? An extremely rare collection of poetry by Ms. Tabu?”

“Open it and see for yourself,” she sat down next to him, leaning her head on his shoulder.

He put an arm around her, and opened the book. On the first page, she had written ‘For Nag, with all of my love,’ in her neat, elegant handwriting. She looked up at him to gauge his reaction, a part of her afraid that what she had written sounded childish, something a teenager would write in the first bloom of love.

“Why didn’t I just remove the ‘of’?” she thought furiously. “And why isn’t he saying something? Usually he can’t shut up, and now he’s just-”

“I copied out my favourite poems that I’ve written for you,” she said, unable to bear the silence anymore. “They couldn’t fill up the entire notebook though, so there are some blank pages towards the end. You know, in case you want to write something yourself,” she trailed off, looking at him with eyes that were both eager and timid at the same time.

“This is probably the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given me,” Nagarjuna spoke slowly, turning over the pages of the notebook. “Nothing I write, though, could match up to your masterpieces, my jaan,” he smiled at her. “Thank you so much for this.”

Relief flooded Tabu’s features. “I am so glad you liked this, Nag,” she kissed his hand. “I really couldn’t figure out what to get you at first. Everything seemed so- so less-”

“Less?”

“You know, in the sense that I wanted to get you something meaningful. Something that reminded you of how much you mean to me. This seemed most appropriate.”

“It’s perfect. Thank you, Tabu. For this and for everything else.”

“Shh. Today you listen to people make nice speeches about you, not the other way round.”

“And you wrote a whole book. Always 10 steps ahead of everyone,” he was nuzzling her hair now.

“Have to keep up with you na, that’s why. And it’s not a whole book, just some poems.”

“These poems mean everything to me. They make me feel more special and loved than anything else.”

“Well, you make me feel more special and loved than anything else,” Tabu grinned at him.

“Ohho, using my tricks on me huh?”

“Thought I should give them a try, since they seem to be working so well,” she leaned in, and kissed him. A smile lingered on her lips when she pulled away. “I love you, Nag.”

“I love you more.” He pulled her closer.

“It’s not a competition.”

“Okay. But if it was, I’d win.”

“Oh, Nag,” Tabu laughed.

“What?”

“Nothing.” She kissed him again.

“Can I ask you for something else? Since it’s my birthday?”

“Of course. What do you want?” Tabu intertwined her fingers with his.

“Can you read out your poems for me? At least a few of them?”

She hesitated- she was very shy about her writing, and found it embarrassing under normal circumstances to hear it spoken out loud, even by herself. But the way Nagarjuna was looking at her seemed to melt something inside, and she nodded. “Of course. You choose the poem.” 

“Here.” Nagarjuna opened a page at random, and handed the notebook to her.

He wrapped his arms around her, and tried to shove the thought of kissing her in the middle of a poem out of his head. “She’ll think it’s completely disrespectful. It probably is, anyway. Well, I’ll kiss her later. It’s not like I won’t get a chance.” He smiled to himself, and focused on her voice, feeling more content than he had expected to feel on this birthday. It was nothing like he’d expected, yet it was surprisingly all he had wanted, without knowing that he did.

He took a deep sniff of her hair and sighed. All was well.


End file.
